Page 54 of Mountain Protector

I’m torn between feeling so damn lucky to have found such an incredible woman and guilty for not protecting her like I promised. And my emotions are all tangled up in a way I’ve never felt before.

At a loss for words, I wrap my arms around her and press my lips to her head, breathing in the vanilla-rose scent that will always remind me of Lark. And I let myself think about the things I still carry guilt over from years ago.

Lark doesn’t speak, she just hugs me hard, like she thinks she can infuse her strength into me by sheer force of will.

Maybe she can.

As we sit here, I have to wonder. If Lark is strong enough to face her demons, shouldn’t I be strong enough to do the same?

And more importantly, if we’re going to have the kind of future I want to have together, doesn’t shedeserve to know everything about me? The good and the bad?

So I draw in a breath and let it out slowly, then admit, “I’m terrified of letting you down, Lark. It’s my greatest fear. That I’ll end up hurting you somehow. Either by something I do, or by missing something important. Something life or death.”

“What?” Her head pops up so quickly she almost smashes me in the chin. “Why would you think that?”

“It’s why I didn’t ask you out sooner. Months ago. Because I’m a coward?—”

“No, you are not.” Scowling, she smacks me on the arm. “Don’t you dare say that. You’re not.”

“I’ve let people down before. People I cared about.”

Her expression shifts immediately, softening with concern. “Is that really true? Or is it just what you tell yourself?”

I don’t know. Before, I thought they were one in the same. But maybe they’re not.

Turning Lark on my lap, I hold her gaze as I say, “I thought it was true. I think it is.”

“I feel guilty about Vinnetti. It feels real in my head. But you and Enzo and all these other people say I’m wrong. So…” She gives a tiny shrug. “Maybe it’s like that. Could you tell me? So I understand?”

A pit settles in my stomach. That band around my chest tightens another few notches. “Well. One of the people I let down was my Green Beret teammate. Rhiannon.”

“She’s out in Texas, right?”

“Yes. She’s working for a security company out there. With a couple of my old teammates, actually.”Taking a breath, I continue, “Rhi was one of the first female Green Berets. So it was tough for her. Even though she was just as skilled as the men she worked with. More skilled than many of them, really.”

Lark nods, understanding in her gaze, silently urging me to continue.

“She never let it get her down, though. The rude comments. The rolled eyes. The guys who’d snub her just because she was a woman. And over time, it seemed like things had settled down. That the majority of the guys accepted her.”

“But?”

Shaking my head, I say, “I had no idea. We had no idea.” My jaw clenches. “For almost two years, Rhiannon was being harassed. Physically. Sexually. By the commander of our battalion.”

At Lark’s confused expression, I explain, “Our superior. Colonel Allen. He used his authority to keep Rhi quiet. Threatened her if she told anyone. He even implied he’d screw with the team. Split it up. Hurt our careers. So she didn’t say anything.”

“Knox. That’s awful. But how is that your fault?”

“I should have realized. By the end, Rhi was getting physically ill from the stress. I should have noticed my teammate was suffering. But I had no idea. None of us on the team did until she told us she was separating from the Army. Allen was pressing her to do something”—my molars almost shatter—“she wasn’t willing to do. And she didn’t want the team punished as a result. We finally convinced her to turn him in, but she left anyway. Her heart wasn’t in it anymore. After that, mine wasn’t either.”

Lark stares at me, her lips pressed into a frown. “That really sucks. And I understand why you would be upset. But it’s not your fault.”

“I should have?—”

“No. Speaking as a woman, we are good at keeping secrets. If Rhiannon didn’t want anyone on your team to know, chances are, you wouldn’t. And…” Her eyes soften with compassion. “She obviously cared about you guys so much. So what she did, she did to protect you.”

“But we should have protected her. Had her six.”

After a long pause, Lark says, “I get that. But don’t take away what Rhiannon did. I know you feel bad. But she made the choice. Let her have that. If the positions were reversed, would you want your teammates feeling guilty about a decision you made?”

---