Page 98 of A Seed Of Peril

As Dominic brought his fingers to his son’s hand, Vincenzo wrapped his fingers around Dominic’s index finger.

The love and admiration in Dominic’s eyes for his baby boy was an image I’d never forget.

I kissed Vincenzo’s hair. He yawned, his sweet noises following.

“We love you so much.”

Vincenzo Matteo Rosini

Born: 06/16/2017

Time: 11:30 A.M.

Weight: 10.5 lbs

Length: 22 in.

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

The moon’slighting coupled with the glow of the lamp created a picturesque atmosphere. Moments such as this reminded me of how far I had come. How much I had overcome.

Motherhood was the greatest feeling in the world. Sometimes, I worried if I was doing things the correct way, but I had to remember children didn’t come born with an instruction book. Dominic also told me how proud of me he was and that I was raising him just fine. I did the same for him.

“Is that good?” I asked my son, who lay snug in my arm, watching me as he drank his formula. He liked to take his sweet time when he ate. Books called it the gourmet style. I just saw it as another way he was like his father and how he played with his food. Tasting a little bit of formula at a time, smacking his lips, and eventually eating. It still tended to make me laugh.

I smiled at my son, standing at his bedroom window. I gave him a soft kiss on his forehead, telling him I loved him. He had his fingers wrapped around mine.

The day I birthed Vincenzo, it awoke a new sense of self in me. Greater confidence. Life was now being viewed through a clearer, new set of eyes. I was developing the courage and strength to face and process anything and everything head on. I refused to stress and fear over things in life that I couldn’t control.

Maybe it stemmed from being forced to face the chaos and trauma that ended up being my son’s birth. Maybe I finally realized in the thick of that agony that I was running out of excuses to hold onto to keep myself in a place of fear and weakness. Watching Julie hold up Vincenzo for us to see flipped some kind of switch.

Nothing made sense for so long. Up was down. Down was up. I didn’t want to be trapped in my own head anymore—my thoughts, my self-loathing, and woe-is-me. It was exhausting and held me further and further back. Before I forced myself to face who I truly was and what I truly could conquer, I kept my head down, navigating the world at ground level. Years of insults, degradation, and not being given a fair shot fucked with me. It kept me docile. Ignorant to life. I kept the peace and kept it together good enough to survive. A sheep among thousands allowing themselves to be herded wherever. I believed everyone’s lies and misconceptions.

Dominic gave me the most strength and that greatest sense of safety. Hestilldid. So did my brothers, Hector, and even Nadia, but to a degree and earlier on in my journey of rediscovery. If it weren’t for Dominic believing I had strength, worth, and potential, no one else would’ve.Iwouldn’t have. It wasn’t easy though. I imagined there were times he wanted to rip his hair out over me flat out refusing to open my heart to myself. But for the life of me, I was blind to what had forever stared back at me in a mirror—a beautiful young woman with a heart of gold and a spirit as hot as fire. A woman who held the power to dream big and crush any obstacle that threatened those dreams. Like Dominic, I had that fire inside me. I had an inner monster, who was thrashing to come out of its cage and prove to the world I wasn’t one to fuck with, and she wasn’t done. I just had to be reminded of it all during the scariest moment of my life.

Truths were lies, and the curtain lifted, swiping the rug out from under my feet at the same time. I had to relearn every aspect of my life; that was what it felt like. Like I planted my feet next to a victory flag on the country’s tallest mountain, only for a gust of wind to knock me off balance and send me tumbling back to the bottom. And like that point in my life, with the help of Dominic, I won over the mountain that was my own mind.

“I see you’re going to fight again tonight,” I predicted, noticing Vincenzo’s eyelids growing heavy, but he kept springing them back open right before he could fully drift off. I smiled when he showed off a smile of his own.

Watching Vincenzo grow so much in these three short months had been fascinating. Giving him Dianidine within the first twenty-four hours of his life, Dominic and I wondered whether any and all traces of vampirism were still in our son’s system. Julie was always in awe at his checkups, reminding us he was in the top 85thto 97thpercentile.

At twenty pounds and twenty-seven inches long, we were proud parents.

His bottle now sneaking below half-full, I tilted it up for him for an easier end of his feeding. Luckily, he took to bottles rather well and quickly.

Guilt wracked me when deciding to quit breastfeeding. Incredibly guilty. With our schedules and unpredictable lifestyle, I knew it was a smart choice. Well, that and it was becoming too painful for me. A chore, even.

The bedroom door opened, and Dominic stepped inside.

“Perfect timing. He’s just about done.”

Vincenzo looked as best as he could toward his daddy, cooing and grunting and smiling.

We watched Dominic through the window as he shut the door.

Fatherhood suited him. He loved to sing to his son, doing it every night before bedtime. Vincenzo smiled whenever he heard his daddy’s voice and when he came home from any sort of trip. He snuggled with his daddy and fell asleep constantly on his chest, ear over his heart.

Their bond was unbreakable.

---