Page 39 of A Seed Of Peril

“I failed my son, Lilith. I failed him, and I failed myself. I’m a horrible, horrible mother.” She put her elbow on the arm of the sofa and hid her teary eyes in her palm. “I don’t even know why my son gave me a chance.”

I squeezed her hand. Hearing her admit she failed… I kept quiet.

She sniffed, lifting her head, refusing to make eye contact with me just yet.

“My husband was so loving before he found his way to alcohol. Before he…” Bianca let her thought trail off.

I drank another sip of blood. “Dominic said Lorenzo changed after he lost his job.”

Bianca sucked in a short gasp of air, her tears running.

“Our wedding day… It was so beautiful,” she reminisced. “A beautiful, Catholic church, roses of all different colors, and pews full of our family and friends.

“Lorenzo was so excited when we found out we were having Dominic. He was attentive, caring, and loving… He was everything I could’ve asked for during my pregnancy. He was at my side when Dominic was born.” She smiled at the memory. “Oh, he was such a beautiful baby. He was quite chubby.”

We shared a weak, anxious laugh.

“Lorenzo… He grew such ahateinside of him.” She sniffed, wiping her tears off her cheeks. I let her hand go to grab her a tissue from the box of Kleenex on the coffee table. I handed it to her, holding her hand again. She wiped her nose and cleared her eyes. “It started when Dominic was only four. Four…” The word was strained as fresh tears streaked down her cheeks.

Swirling the blood in my glass, I said, “Dominic told me just how bad it was. You don’t have to relive it.” Truth was, I didn’t want to hear again how Lorenzo beat up Dominic. I didn’t need to travel that road again. “I just want to know why… Why didn’t you fight harder to get you and Dominic out of there?”

“I had no money. Lorenzo made me give him my paychecks, and I was too afraid tonotpay him. The one time I refused…” She clutched the tissue in her hand, holding it at her nose. “It was the first time he beat me. I could hardly get out of bed the next day.” She lowered her arm, turning her head to look at me. “I was scared.” She slowly looked elsewhere, repeating, “I was so scared.” Her words were shaky as she trembled, her voice soft.

“What about family?” I challenged. “Why didn’t you reach out?”

“Catholics don’t believe in divorce. My mother didn’t understand. She didn’t want me to sin. And Lorenzo threatened to kill them if they tried to help me.” Bianca lowered her head in shame. “I didn’t want to call his bluff.”

I sat on everything she said, absorbing it. Trying my best to develop sympathy, and while I managed to—to a degree—all I thought was that I would sacrifice myself for my son. If it were me, I would’ve arranged for my child to be in safe hands, went home, and called Lorenzo’s bluff. I would’ve reclaimed my hard-earned money and told Lorenzo to fuck off and get sober or get the fuck out. If that had cost me my life, so be it. At least my son would’ve had that opportunity for a better life.

Letting go of Bianca’s hand, I touched her shoulder.

“You did what you could, and I’m sure that deep down, Dominic knows that. After learning what Lorenzo did and how he was, I get that you felt stuck. Yeah… Your timing was kind of rough with Hector passing away, but I think Dominic is secretly grateful you’re back.”

Bianca looked at me again. The fear in her eyes faded, as did her anxiety regarding the painful memories. She turned her body and held my hand in both of hers, warmly smiling. “Thank you, Lilith, for being in my son’s life. He loves you so much.”

“He told you that?”

She nodded. “I see it in his eyes when he talks about you. You’re very precious to him. Invaluable.” She placed her left hand on my belly, her eyes lovingly fixed on it. She then looked back up at me, placing her left hand again on my hand, and then she all of a sudden let me go and left the couch. Her hands were clasped together at her chest as she peeked at a still sleeping Katrina.

Wanting to break this awkwardness, I asked her, “Did Dominic tell you what we’re having?” Bianca turned around and shook her head. “It’s a boy.”

She beamed, turning away to again look at Katrina. I drank more blood.

“A grandson,” she said lovingly to herself. She nodded once, appearing the most content I had seen her since I met her.

I had to admit, I was happy my son would have a grandmother who loved him. No matter how I ended up feeling about Bianca, I wouldn’t deprive my son of his grandmother.

“Tell me about when Dominic was little, before everything went south.”

Bianca walked over to the kitchen area, getting herself a glass of water from the sink.

“He was such a sweet little boy. Very quiet.” She drank a sip of water.

“He still is.”

She turned around and leaned back against the counter. “He loved to draw. When he was in school, he used to make me artwork all the time. He was so proud.” When she drank another, larger sip of water, she stared down at the floor, sighing. “I shouldn’t have stopped putting them on the fridge.”

My heart broke at the image of a young Dominic staring at an empty spot on their refrigerator. Something as miniscule as hanging up a picture your child made for you could make or break a child’s spirit.

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