Page 58 of A Seed Of Peril

“Lilith?” Bianca asked cautiously, her flowery voice cutting through the thick space.

I sobbed on a sharp intake of air, blinking my watery eyes and keeping them on the front doors.

“Oh, honey,” she said in her motherly way, like she took pity on me. “It’ll be okay.”

“No… N-No, it won’t,” I muttered, again sharply pulling in air with my next breath. I began loosely hugging myself in my attempt to keep the dam from crumbling apart.

Bianca entered my space, standing inches from me. She tucked a damp strand of my hair behind my ear and then wiped at my cheek.

“Yes, it will.” She then tenderly took my right hand inside of hers, her squeeze to my hand her way of telling me she was there for me. “You have to have faith.”

My words breathlessly tumbled, broken. Desperate.

“I’m afraid th-they won’t come home. I want him home. I can’t talk to him; I can’t talk to a-anyone.” My spit got stuck in my throat upon swallowing, my mouth drying. “I want him… Home.”

“Come on,” Bianca urged, guiding me to my room. “Let’s get you back to bed.”

Once inside my room, Bianca helped me into bed. I chose Dominic’s side to lie on. His scent was everywhere. I buried half my face in his pillow, sniffing and then spilling tears. I pulled the bedding closer to me as Bianca tucked me in.

Their safety and my fear of them getting hurt consumed my thoughts. I loved them all so much.

My son kicked and wriggled around, reminding me I needed to be strong. I couldn’t let my paranoia about anything happening to Dominic or my brothers persevere. I placed my left hand on the bedding over my belly, sliding my other hand underneath the pillow.

Mrs. Rosini placed her hand on my shoulder. “They’re coming back. I believe that, andyouneed to believe that.”

I sniffed.

“Let me tell you something. When I thought my baby boy died, my world collapsed. Despite what he may have told you about me, I love him with all my heart. The loneliness took such a toll. I barely ate. I barely slept. I was a zombie in one of those monster movies; nothing fazed me.

“I walked away from religion years into my and Lorenzo’s marriage, but while I mourned my son, I rediscovered the Lord, and my faith carried me through the pain. Maybeyourfaith can helpyou, too.”

Like Bianca used to feel, religion wasn’t a big thing with me. Not anymore, anyway, but I was blessed to have her in our lives. She had been gravitating, for me, into more of a good friend and no longer an acquaintance or just someone I had to coexist with.

Maybe I could try her way. Maybe… I could lean on God.

“I know in my heart Dominic would want you to know that he is out there to make things better for all of us. I see the love and devotion he holds for you, Lilith. It’s beautiful.”

I smiled, my eyelids gummy from all my crying. Dominic did love me, and I loved him. We would do anything for each other, no matter how painful.

Being away from me and our son must be nothing short of torture for him.

“Stay,” I weakly pleaded before I could stop myself.

She stepped away and shut the door, momentarily leaving me to wonder whether or not I would be sleeping alone, but I quickly relaxed when she walked around the bed to what was normally my side and got into bed, lying next to me. After she pulled on the covers, she held my hand, which was under Dominic’s pillow.

Her white, cotton, floral-themed nightgown brought back memories of one similar that my mom owned.

“You have to remember just how strong and brave you really are, and remember, absence always makes the heart grow fonder.”

It became difficult to keep my eyes open. My body grew heavier. It wasn’t long until I drifted off, still holding Bianca’s hand.

Saturday, March 4, 2017

The brightnessof the winter’s sun shone through the window between the gap in the curtains. I rubbed my tired, irritated eyes with the heels of my palms, groaning and stretching my legs. Dragging my hands down my face, I slowly opened my eyes, adjusting to the sunshine. My son kicked my bladder, and I rushed to hold myself between my legs, breathing through the discomfort and threat of pissing myself.

“Good morning to you, too,” I sarcastically greeted my son while rolling over onto my left side. I then waited a few breaths before leaving bed and heading into the bathroom.

Finished in the bathroom, I re-entered the bedroom and changed into the clothes picked out for me on what was normally my side of the bed. Before Dominic left, he selected outfits for me from our closet and arranged with his mother for her to set out my day’s outfits each night prior. He didn’t want me to risk falling down the closet steps, nor did he want me lifting a finger unless absolutely necessary.

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