Page 14 of A Seed Of Peril

“Nothing, well… I’m just not sure what my role is anymore.”

Furrowing his brows, Dominic asked, “What do you mean?”

“Am I still a soldier?”

“Do you want to be?”

“I don’t know.” I began touching his tie, playing with it in my hands. Staring at it helped me get the words out. “I mean… I do… But then, I wonder if Icannow that I’m gonna have a baby. Hector had enough faith in me, but I don’t know how well I’ll be able to balance both being a mom and fighting alongside you guys.”

My emotions were getting a chokehold on me, and I roughly cleared my throat, hoping that would make it go away. Nope. My eyes welled with tears. I opened and closed my mouth, trying to find my next words. Dominic slipped his fingers under my chin and lifted my head, his expression his typical poker face.

“Talk to me.”

I held onto his tie, that fabric helping me keep it together.

“I just want to be a stay-at-home mom, but Hec-Hector—” I swallowed, his name catching in my throat. “Hector trusted me to be a soldier… And I don’t want to let him down.” A tear dripped down my cheek.

Dominic wiped my tear with his thumb. “If being a soldier no longer feels right to you, then let me know. If you want another position, or like you said, you just want to focus on raising our unborn, then so be it. Whatever you choose doesn’t matter. Your happiness does.”

I squeezed out more tears, taking in a sharper breath, my lower lip and chin quivering under my emotional weight. “Thank you,” I said, my voice raspy. I cleared my throat again. He wiped away the rest of my tears. “I just don’t want to make the wrong decision.”

I didn’t want to end up making a decision that negatively affected our child. Each year of a child’s life was important, but those first few were crucial, and if I stayed a soldier, how would that affect our child? Would I be able to serve those duties and the duties of motherhood? Would I be happy with both or happier just being a mother?

“You won’t,” he told me.

I sniffed. “How can you know that?”

“Because you never do.”

Those words made me crack, and I clung to Dominic, my arms around his neck, my crying messy. He rubbed his hand up and down my back.

“You’re stressing yourself, Lilith. Don’t overthink this. Go with your gut, with what feels right.” He shushed me, continuing to rub my back. “Just breathe.”

“I love you so much,” I told him, refusing to let him go.

“I love you, too.” He kissed the side of my head, his face lingering on my hair. “Always and forever,Bellissima. Nothing will ever change that. Not your role… Nothing.”

“Uncle Dino, let’s go!”

Dominic led me through the foyer toward the living room, his hand on the small of my back, as Katrina darted past us to join the rest of her uncles. I sipped on my last serving of animal blood for the night, comfortable in my heart and lollipop-themed pajamas. They were on clearance when I purchased them; I couldn’t resist. Katrina begged me to buy her one so we could match.

Hers was in the mail.

Snacks, ice cream, and saved leftovers from our chicken dinner—the chicken for me—were displayed on the coffee table in preparation for family movie night. Katrina complained it had been too long since our last movie night, and none of us could say no to such an adorable little spitfire.

Dino was already making a dent in the popcorn. I wasn’t surprised. I laughed, shaking my head. He stared at me, shoveling another handful of popcorn into his mouth.

“I was hungry,” he whined.

“You’re always hungry,” Katrina quipped, sending all of us into laughter.

The couch and chairs were moved out of the way to make space. Dominic repeatedly let me know I could sit on the couch or in a chair, but I didn’t want to. The floor was fine. Dominic had two of my pillows and our bedroom throw blanket for me; I was all set.

Noticeably absent for family movie night was Bianca. Dominic wasn’t comfortable enough having her join us after how things went this afternoon. He wound up rearranging things, so I was to be Katrina’s babysitter for the foreseeable future, which didn’t bother me. Once I was finished crying back in his office when we talked about what I wanted to do with my role, Dominic called his mother and expressed that he needed distance to think since he was under too much pressure. She reluctantly agreed, asking him to please reach out with his decision regardless of what he chose—to forgive her and begin repairing their relationship or deciding to walk away. For good.

Katrina was a little sad that Bianca, or B to her, couldn’t come over but was excited to spend more time with me. She missed me—her words. I missed her, too and felt guilty for not spending time with her like I should’ve been. Luckily, she wasn’t the least bit upset, especially for not playing Barbies with her earlier. After everything this afternoon with Dominic, I spaced on my commitment, profusely apologizing and crying to Katrina for forgiveness. She hugged me and said she forgave me and that we didn’t always have to play with her Barbies, and she told me she loved me. I squeezed her tight after that, making her laugh by covering the top of her head with kisses.

Dominic and I walked over to our spots on the floor. He helped me onto the floor, making sure my pillows were just right and that the blanket was on me how I wanted it.

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