Page 38 of The Making of Marnie Jones

“Never going to happen.”

He pulled onto the 401. They headed eastbound then soon they took the ramp to the southbound 427.

“We’re headed downtown, aren't we?”

“Olivia is in St. Michael's Hospital.”

Does it have to be St. Michael’s?

“Take me to the downtown Marriott on Bay Street. I'll walk over to St. Michael's.” A simple and easy solution. Proud of how steady her voice was, she fought to relax. She could handle this. She had to. To fail was unthinkable, unbearable.

“Thank you.”

“Don't thank me yet.”God, anything but that.“Don't thank me yet.”

In the end, she didn’t need her platinum credit card. Her plain old VISA secured her an agreeable room. The clerk politely declined her request to pay in cash. Hardly surprising since she appeared like something the cat dragged in. Well, maybe not that bad, but coupled with poor sleep the night before, she was bedraggled.

Jake was considerate enough to come into the hotel lobby with her, and he waited until she secured a room. Before he departed, he promised to see her at noon. His plan was first to meet with Olivia's doctors, then join Marnie for lunch to give her an update on Olivia's status.

Opting for a shower, she tried to rinse off the day, but memories assailed her. The flight, the turbulence, Jake… The significance of the moment wasn’t lost on her. She’d made her first flight, and voluntarily let a man touch her. She’d found a way to conquer one fear and take a poke at another. What else awaited her? Nervousness about meeting Olivia gripped her with panic—a vise around her chest. She dried her hair and ironed her clothes for the next day. If she didn’t have everything together properly prepared for the next day, she’d lie awake worrying. Better to sacrifice a few minutes sleep on this end than to toss and turn or, worse, wake up in the middle of the night in a panic.

Easing between the cool sheets, she inhaled deeply, held the breath, then let it out slowly. Then she repeated the sequence.

And again.

Sleep was slow in coming, but come, it did.

The next morning, Jake was waiting for her when she arrived in the lobby at the appointed time. His stubble was longer, the circles under his bloodshot eyes were deeper, and he still wore the previous day's clothes. His face was twisted—the look of a man tormented.

Marnie almost reached out and pulled him toward her. She wanted to offer some kind of physical comfort. To be his proverbial port in the storm that clearly swirled around him. She restrained herself, of course. Just like that day Mira tripped and skinned her knee. Marnie comforted the little girl, and what’d been awkward at first soon became natural as the toddler’s tears dried. That didn’t mean, however, she had the faintest notion of how to comfort an adult.

“What happened?”

His gaze traveled around uneasily. “We need to talk.” He guided her toward Trios Bistro.

He wasn’t wearing the requisite slacks and shirt, but the maître d’ didn’t point that out. The woman took one look at him, and quickly ushered them to an out-of-the-way table.

Maybe she recognized him.

Once they each settled with a glass of water, and had ordered their burgers, Jake sighed. “She had a rough night.”

“What does that mean?”

He pounded the table in frustration.

Marnie startled. Ha, she hadn’t jumped.

“She told the nurse she wishes she’d died.” He didn't hide his despondency.

“That's normal.” She kept her tone neutral, reassuring even. “For seven years, I both wanted to fight and wanted to die. I even tried a hunger strike, hoping to either waste away or to get him to release me.” Suddenly she was awash with memories, all bad. “The hunger was gnawing and painful, but he kept trying to shove food down my throat. In the end it wasn’t worth it. I started eating again, but I was sick for several days after I started eating solid food.”

Keep going.

“Here's the thing, Jake, I didn't have something to fight for. I didn't have a loving family desperate for my return.” Time for blunt honesty. “I didn't have something to live for.”

“And neither does Olivia—is that what you're saying?”

The vehemence in his voice caught her off guard and, she automatically pulled back. In the booth there wasn’t far for her to go, but she did her best to put distance between the two of them.

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