Page 30 of The Making of Marnie Jones

Chapter thirteen

“Marnie…”Rustyclearedhisthroat. “I’m not the most perceptive guy in the world—but even I could see you weren’t comfortable with Jake.”

They’d resettled, but several minutes passed, as if Rusty were waiting for her to make the first move—make the first comment. She took a shallow breath, forcing herself to stay calm. “It’s a cliché, but it’s complicated. He thinks he needs my help, and he’s been doggedly pursuing me to that end.”

“Sounds…awkward.”

He stretched his hand toward her, but before her heart picked up the pace of panic, he pulled it back.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He might not believe himself perceptive, but she knew otherwise. Although she never confided in him, she suspected he intuited more than he let on. What signals did she send out? People couldn't begin to guess what she had gone through, of course, but maybe she emitted an unconscious vibe. Something that saiddon't ask me too many questions or I might break into a million pieces. She didn't know how to respond to Rusty's kindness.

“This was a mistake.” She rose suddenly, almost knocking over the table in her haste. “I can’t give you what you want.”

“You don’t know what I want.” Rusty also stood. “I wanted to get to know you a bit better. I wanted a chance to talk to you in a setting other than the library.”

“I’m sorry.” Her breath caught in her throat. “I have to go.”

He made no move to stop her.

She headed to her car, defaulting to flight. Overwhelmed with too much kindness. Loriana, Seth, Tristan, Rusty, even Jake—they were being solicitous, and offering her a chance to confide in them—but they had no idea what they were asking.

And accepting the offer to meet with a married man? A man she knew nothing about?What were you thinking?She could no more confide in Rusty than anyone else. Except Jake. She’d told him everything, and when he’d seen her today, there’d been no revulsion or pity—just curiosity at her being with a man. And desperation about his situation with Olivia. Marnie couldn’t believe she’d given in to his plea, but this would give her the opportunity to finally sever that relationship permanently. No, she wasn’t ready for even a casual relationship with Rusty, but hopefully, she could still be close to little Mira. With steadier hands, she turned the key.

She didn’t look back as she drove away.

***

Five-thirty had come and gone when Marnie finally headed into the restaurant the next evening. Jari, a young man with a learning disability had been desperate for help on his term paper in English due the next day. She was unwilling to do anything less than her best to help him succeed. Would it be nice if he’d come in earlier? Of course. Still, she proofread the paper, gave a couple of suggestions, and saw him on his way. Moments like that gave her a sense of validation in her life. Assurance she was, in fact, making a difference.

Jake sat on a chair in the foyer and rose when she came in. As with Rusty yesterday, he made no move toward her, simply gestured in greeting.

“I’m sorry I’m late.” She hadn’t rushed because she knew he’d wait, but her heart raced as if she had.Why am I nervous?Not like they hadn’t done this before—several times, in fact. Still, her nerves were shot, and this felt like a first date. She swallowed, her mouth dry.

If he noticed anything amiss with her, he didn’t show it. In fact, he appeared cool and comfortable in his khakis and white dress shirt. “No worries.” He held up two fingers to the hostess who led them to a booth.

She slid in one side while he sat on the other.

The hostess listed the specials.

Marnie was only half-listening, distracted by that jolt of awareness from being near Jake. Why not Rusty? Because he was married? No, not that. The man across from her evoked a different and unsettling emotion.

“Hi, I’m Kristin, and I’ll be your server this evening. Can I start you out with a drink?”

Marnie’s response was quick. “A Diet Coke.”

“I’ll have whatever’s on tap.”

Just like that, Marnie panicked. She tried to hold back the feeling of suffocation, but it threatened to overwhelm her, and she drew in a sharp breath. Her hands trembled and she clasped them and thrust them under the table lest he see them.

It’s just a beer.

Get a grip.

Why was she reacting violently? She knew why, of course, but the reaction was completely irrational.

She vaguely noticed Jake holding up his finger and slipping from the booth. As soon as he departed, she fought to calm her pounding heart. Maybe she wouldn’t be able to smell the drink. Maybe she wouldn’t have this ridiculous reaction after five years. Maybe…

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