At least she had the decency to look chastised.
“Don’t let Olivia see you smoke. She idolizes you.”
“I’ll quit, I swear. I’ll be in Pakistan for another few months, and then it looks like I’ll be a bureau chief, hopefully somewhere tropical and warm. Maybe I’ll follow the Summer Olympics…”
“Wishful thinking?”
“Probably. Since there’s no major conflict in that country, odds are against it.”
“Aren’t you getting tired of reporting about war?”
She gave him an odd look. “I don’t know anything else. Iraq and Afghanistan. Ukraine, Syria, Egypt, and Turkey. Plus Israel and Lebanon. Not to mention contentious elections in half-a-dozen African countries. Jake, I live out of a suitcase. This place—” She waved her arm in a wide arc. “—has been paid for because I have nothing else to spend money on. I wouldn’t have the first clue what to do with myself.”
“But don’t you want more? Don’t you worry that time is slipping by?”
“What are you talking about?” Those cat eyes were on him like a huntress on her prey.
“Marriage, kids…”
Her eyes widened, looking at him as if he was crazy. “We had this discussion when you first came to work for me. I told you I’m not built for domesticity. Nothing’s changed.” Her gaze narrowed. “You told me you felt the same way.”
“I was barely twenty-four.”
“What’s changed? You’re one of the best because you’re fearless.”
Do I really want to open this can of worms? Jess has always made her position clear, so why am I challenging her?
Because Marnie’d challenged and confused him—and now he was seeking someone who might understand.
“After Olivia went missing, I had nothing to live for. I was borderline suicidal. My niece, whom I’d never met, had been kidnapped, and was most likely dead. If I hadn’t met Wolf in the Congo, I don’t know what would’ve happened.”
“He was peacekeeping…”
“And I was reporting, but there wasn’t enough risk. I wanted danger. Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria…I didn’t care. Wolf pulled me back. He kept telling me Olivia was alive. Hurting, but alive. My God Jess, what she’s been through.” He rubbed his hand against his face, as if he could rub out the memories of the last few hours. As if he could obliterate Marnie Jones from his life.
Jess placed her hand on his, and it reassured him.
“You’re not to blame, Jake.”
“I feel—” His chest tightened again. “—like I need to be doing more. I need to put Olivia’s needs first.”
“She’s moving to British Columbia. You said it yourself, this is best for her. Youareputting her needs first.”
“It doesn’t feel like it.”
“Look, Jake, when have you ever not put Olivia’s needs first?”
“When I kissed Marnie.”
“Marnie…?”
“Laura.”Shit.“Laura Derks.”
“You kissed Laura Derks.”
“Yes. No. I mean, I kissed Marnie Jones, not Laura Derks.”
“Is she schizophrenic, or are you?”