Page 54 of Drift

Gray held his look, and Jack nodded, more to himself.

“One question, though.” He looked Jan’s way. “How long haveyouknown? Because I thought we were lovers too, yet Idon’t hear you crying disgust over Martin fucking with Cutter’s daughter either.”

“Jan didn’t start the search,” Gray said flatly. “I did.”

Jack went back in nose-to-nose close. “Never. Your. Place. To. Fucking. Tread.” His repeat of Gray’s own words hung heavy in the air. “You delegated part of my family history to the hired fucking help before you spoke to me. You—”

Jan came in, roughly tugging Jack around. “I pushed him into telling me yesterday, just a few hours after he found out about Jude. And he didn’t mention it two years ago because he thought it was just another head game of Martin’s. And you know just how vicious his games can be. Gray didn’t want to hurt either of us with it until he knew for sure it was justified. And you know that takes goddamn time and manpower, Jack, even with Ray working in the background to get him the details he needed. But with Jason and its Nottingham taint, Chris’s accident possibly being tied to it…?” Jan frowned. “He didn’t get time, that’s all.” Another shrug. “We didn’t get time, and I’m… with Monique… I’m sorry, okay? We needed to talk to you so badly but we just ran out of time.”

“Yeah? That right? This is all about trying to find the time to talk to me, is it?” Jack dismissed him and looked at Gray. “Come lie to me again. Because I saw your face back then, when you lost Martin. For those few moments it was all Martin. You never once saw me sitting on the bench next to you until I threatened to walk and take away his echo. And it’s that echo I see every goddamn morning in your smile, the one that says he’ll be back. The one that’s always waiting for him to come fucking back. You—”

Jan almost missed just how fast Gray could move. He tugged Jack in close with a rough grip to the back of his hair, and thekiss he gave was so brutal one moment, then tender and made to last in another.

“Never at the cost of fucking you,” he snarled, tightening his grip in his hair and making Jack wince as he pulled him away a touch. “Get that into your bloody fucked-up head—because if I have to start proving how much you mean to me over Martin, we’re long past saving, Jack.”

Gray held him still, made sure he stayed… still. “I didn’t say anything because I didn’t know if it was just another one of Martin’s head games, one sick one I didn’t want to drag you in to let alone any potential kid of his—not with you losing him, not with how everything had gone down over Light and how they both took us all out. And yes of course I damn well want to look after one of his like he looked after mine. Then when I found out it wasn’t a head game yesterday, I ran out of time. I just ran out of goddamn time to talk to you, Jack. Nothing more.” He gripped him by the throat. “But you could have damn well told me all of this piled more shit onto your head over Chris—enough to riskyourlife, fuckhis.”

Jack shoved him off… held his look, then after a few moments of quiet, he stepped back and slowly locked his hands behind his head before he turned and took the walk back to the corner.

As he knelt down, facing it, he looked like he fought to cool down, so taking the corner seemed the only break point to stop reactions he didn’t want to regret.

Confused, angry, not understanding a goddamn thing, Jan shrugged. After a moment, he turned and headed for the Oval door.

“Lockdown.” That snarl came off Jack. “You stay fuckinghere, Jan.”

“Like you said to Gray, Jack—fuck you. And I mean…fuck you.” Jan tugged open the door and made his way back to the reception hall, but as he reached it, a grip on his arm pulled him to a stop, and Jan turned back.

“Easy,” said Gray, coming in close. “This is all on the back of learning about Jude. He doesn’t know what’s going on himself, he—”

“Oh he knew. You—” Jan shrugged, backing off a little. “He put Chris in fuckinghospital, Gray. He lay in bed with me last night after putting Chrisinhospital and never said a goddamn word. I saw your look just, in the carpark too before any of this kicked off. You were worried about him not picking up the call, then lying about it. This has been going on for a while, and you…. This isn’t even emergence of another personality here, is it? It’s Jack. Ours.”

Gray nodded slightly. “Yeah. It’s Jack. He’s fully aware of what he’s doing and done. This is something… different.”

Jan groaned. “I knew… I knew it would hit him hard over Martin fucking with Cutter’s daughter, but going after Chris like that, going afterRay…. that’s real hate there for Martin, Gray. And how he squared up with you just….”

Gray glanced back to the Oval, his look more than troubled. “He took the corner,” he said back to Jan. “That’s his quiet nod towards knowing he’s burning too hard, that he needs to control the fall and take timeout to think.” Gray looked at Jan. “He’ll talk when he’s got it straight in his own head. It takes time, but he gets there in the end.”

Jan wiped a shaky hand through his hair. “If this is Jack’s reaction—just how the fuck will Martin take it, especially over not having all the details? He’s so much more dangerous, Gray.Why… why the hell hasn’t Halliday picked up on Jack’s change of behaviour, that he goes missing off the grid? I mean: what else has he done? Where the fuck has he been if he hasn’t been at work some of the time?”

“Jack knows his disorder. He’s kept up with his meds,” Gray said quietly. “He’s had years of therapy sessions, so routine? I’m betting he’s kept up with the same one until he needed not to. And all credit yours and Jack’s way, you’ve both come such a long way since Vince. He was in a good place to handle it. But this with Jude….”

That terrified Jan. Where had Jack been the day he’d broken his phone? How many other times had he gone off on his own? Wherehadhis head gone even if he was in a good place to handle trying to get Martin back? Why the secrecy? That’s what really hurt: Jan would have faced anything with him.

And there, the doubt. The questioning of Jack and his motives, no Martin needed this time.

Jan briefly screwed his eyes shut. Feeling like he really needed to throw up, he eased away. “I need out for a while,” he said quietly. “Just an hour. No lockdown. No one with me. I swear I’ll stay away from Monique’s but you give me some bloody space.” He’d been there the last time Jack had lost it with Vince and nearly beaten someone to death, and he hadn’t had an out then. Fuck Jack for throwing his own head back into all of that and not saying he was struggling. “You said it: we’re both in a better place to handle this kind of shit, so you let me handle it, my way.”

Gray didn’t look happy, and he stroked at Jan’s jaw for long moments. “Okay. Make damn sure you stay away from Monique and you keep both tracking devices on: your car and your personal device.” He tensed his jaw, really not looking happy.“My turn with him now. You go find some peace, just…” A frown. “Don’t make me come after you.”

Jan snorted and started to pull away.

“Sir.” Blood wiped from his hairline, head patched up, Ray called from over by the lounge, and they both looked over. “Change of plan with Light. His flight’s due in earlier tomorrow. Do you need me to handle it?”

Jan nearly groaned.

Light added into the mix now as well…? Jesus Christ.

Gray shook his head, and a look at Jan, he went over and whispered something in Ray’s ear. Jan had a feeling it was an apology, where Gray’s pull out of his phone was to get a doctor here to check Ray over. Ray stopped him and shook his head.

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