Page 90 of The Nightmare Queen

But she wants something, and if Felix truly knows her, he knows she won’t leave without getting it. I scratch at the rune on my wrist. “We cannot afford to lose this war. We’ll find Eveera and make a plan, but she isn’t leaving until we both get what we want.” The four of them stare back at me. “Whatever my father and Baelor have crafted up together, I want no part. Baelorwillburn for what he’s done and I will not lose Vellar. You signed that contract with me, not Eiser, and not with Vellar.Me. Meaning regardless of whatyouwant Felix - it’s not null and void yet.”

Eveera

Gods. My body is hot, everywhere he touched me. Everywhere he kissed me, feels like my skin is burning.

I found myself standing outside of Axel’s bedroom door, hesitating to open it or to confront any of them after what happened and what didn’t happen but could have. No one was in the main area of the room.

When I slip into his room I find him sprawled out on the bed with a book on his chest. “Ax.” I whisper tapping his nose. His sleep-addled hand shoves my finger away. “Ax.” I tap again. Two sleepy eyes crack open. Confusion first crossing his face that quickly morphs into a softens as he wakes up. I feel a few traitorous tears on the verge of falling and collapse next to him, burying my face in the comforter. “I fucked up.” My voice is muffled by the fabric. His hand rubs gentle circles on my back, careful of the scars there. He’s always been so reverent of them even though I know he despises what I’ve done to myself.

The first time he saw them was after I had freshly re-opened the splits. We were sixteen and he’d barely been a part of my guard for all but a year.He didn’t ask any questions - just cleaned me up. Ever since, if I needed someone, he was there.

“Yeah, well. You’re not known for making the best of decisions.” I shove his knee in protest and slide down off the bed and onto the floor while he carries on. “In fact, you’re known for making a lot of terrible decisions. It’s become a pattern.” He teases and slides down next to me, “oh come on, E. You can’t have fucked up that bad.”

“No, I did. Bad.” He swipes thumb across my cheek taking a tear with it.

“Okay first. Up.” Axel says, standing up and motioning for me to follow. He walks over to his wardrobe and grabs out a long shirt tossing it at me.

He shrugs, “if you’re going to be moping and crying all night, you’re not going to want to do it in that get up.” Fair enough. Making my way to the small bathroom I undo my dress and slip on the white overshirt that barely passes mid thigh on me. I find him sitting on the floor again with his head dropped back onto the mattress. I slide down next to him my own head dropping to his shoulder and a collective sigh heaves from both of us. Not one of relief or comfort but one of pure exhaustion.

“So what did you do that was so bad?” He asks.

Shame heats my cheeks. “I’m feeling things.” He gives me a look that says, ‘go on’. I hide my face into his shoulder and mutter, “I almost climbed Rorin like a tree.”

Axel snorts, “okay? You’ve basically been doing that for show this whole time. What’s the difference now?”

“It wasn’t for show this time.”

His head bobs slightly against mine; a sign of understanding. “And now you’re feeling things?”

“And now I’m feeling things.”

His hands fall heavy on top of mine. “Do you want to know what I think?”

I lift my head up, staring at the wall ahead of me. “Not really.”

“You don’t like being vulnerable, and he makes you that way. Ezra - you kept at arms length - which made things easy. But the prince? He doesn’t let you do that.”No he doesn’t.“You’re bending your rules for him, E. But you already know that, which is why you’re in my bedroom - in my shirt. Wallowing.”

Thwack!“Ow!” His hand rubs softly at his chest while I shift to pull my knees up under my chin. My hair has started falling out of its braids, curtaining around my face. I don’t know how to feel these things. I don’t want to feel these things. The confusion, thefear. Everything with Ezra was simple. At least for me it was simple. Purely carnal. No emotion needed, sure, maybe there was some at the beginning. But day after day his affection began to tire me. I don’t think I could ever tire of Rorin’s affection or the tenderness with which he handles me, even when he shouldn’t, even when I am cruel.

But first, I’d have to accept that I, too, have affection for him.Desire, even.

The question Axel poses next, is quiet. Tentative. “Does he know?”

Depends on what he’s referring too. About my mother?Yes.About my scars?Yes.About the conglomerate of feelings I have?Yes.I don’t know how to really answer that, but the words that leave my mouth are, “He knows.”

We stayed holed up in that room for the rest of the night. The next day, Millie brought me my clothes. She doesn’t ask any questions, and we getready for yet another day of appearances. Another day of this ridiculous celebration.

Apparently, it lasts three days.

The second night isn’t a ball, like the first night, but a tournament for their best fighters. It’s a spectacle. One I choose to spend very little time at. Rorin and I play our part of devoted companions well, but when people aren’t looking, our words are minced and our bodies repel away from each other as it always should have been.

Tap tap.Axel comes in with food piled on two plates, setting one down in front of me. Surveying my options, I pick up a chunk of bread and break off a piece. His lanky body flopping down in front of me while he digs into his own plate. The scenario so mundane, so normal that I have flashbacks to when we first met.

-

“Queen Eveera. Youmusthave a royal guard. Armond cannot be everything you need all at one time!”

I prop each my feet on top of the council table, crossing my ankles. Alina’s shrill voice is painful. Everything about Alina is painful. “Sure he can. It’s literally what his magic does. It gifts him the ability to be everywhere and everything.” The glare that remark earns me is lethal. Or at least it would be if I gave a shit.

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