Page 67 of Best Kept Secret

"You've been through a lot, Mira. You've had to carry a lot of weight on your own," Dr. Ryan said, trying to break through, but her words slid off me like water.

I don't care about anyone. I don't care what they think about me. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care.

Dr. Ryan watched me, her face calm. "I want you to think about something before we meet again tomorrow."

"Sure." I had nothing but time here tothink.

"What could make you worthy? What would you have to do to be worthy of Pari?"

"Easy. I should be someone who doesn't try to overdose on freaking Ambien."

"There are no easy answers." Dr. Ryan rose. "Mira, you're a very strong person, and right now, your mind has put up all kinds of walls to protect you. It's natural. It's normal. You're taking care of yourself, and that is healthy. Think about what I said, and let's connect again tomorrow."

When she got to the door, I blurted out, "You really think I'm strong?"

She turned around. "Yes. What you've been through and how you've handled yourself? That's strength."

"And what happened in the car?"

"Strength doesn't mean that it's constant. We all give in to our weaknesses sometimes. That one time doesn't define our lives. We're more than one incident, one intent."

"Thanks, Dr. Ryan."

When she left the room, I lay back down, and stared at the ceiling again.

I wanted to reflect on what Dr. Ryan had asked me to consider, but it made my head hurt. So, I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep.

Tomorrow, I'd think about what could make me worthy. Today, I'd hide in this room, and pretend to be at peace.

Chapter 28

Beau

It had been a week since Mira left the hospital. She wouldn't see me. She wouldn't talk to me. She wouldn't even see Pari.

I was not able to sleep. I wasn't able to eat or function. I was pissed off and on a hair trigger.

"Is she comfortable? Does she need anything?" I asked Nova.

"Yes and no."

We were at her and Anson's house, which was a picture-perfect Southern home, sitting by the river like something out of a damn magazine. Old, stately columns framed the front porch, and the whole place had this quiet elegance, with ironwork railings and tall windows that flooded every room with light.Inside, it was a mix of old Savannah charm and modern style—dark hardwood floors, and high ceilings with crown molding. It was beautiful, no doubt. But today, it felt like a cage.

I paced the length of their living room, wrought with frustration and anger. Nova sat on one of the leather armchairs, watching me with a calm, measured look that only made me feel worse. Anson was beside her, his arms crossed. Mama sat on the couch next to Katya and Trevor, her hands in her lap, wringing the hem of her blouse like she didn't know what to do with herself. Everyone was quiet, waiting for me to blow upagain.

"How the hell did we get here?" I finally said, running a hand through my hair. My voice came out rough, low, like the words were stuck in my throat. "How did I let this happen to Mira?"

Mama shifted uncomfortably on the couch. "Beau, I'm so sorry. I never should have—"

"Damn right, you shouldn't have!" I snapped. "I still don't understand why the fuck you have a problem with Mira. When I think about how her parents fucking played me…. And, Mama, all the while you were all smug and happy, especially when I kicked her out."

"Beau—" Katya started, but I cut her off.

"And you," I pointed at her and Trevor. "The both of you treated Mira like she was some kind of leech. You judged her because she worked in a diner, because she doesn't have an education. She was taking care of Pari—your niece—and you acted like she wasn't good enough!"

Katya's eyes softened, her hands clasped in her lap. "Trevor didn't treat her badly, that was all me. I just…I couldn't wrap my head around her keeping Pari from you. I was wrong," she admitted. "I was so unfair to her. I'm so sorry."

Trevor put an arm around his wife. "Hey, we all fucked up here."

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