What did I have to offer her but songs, memories, and bits of love stitched together from a broken past? No, she deserved a life filled with all the luxuries one could imagine.
As soon as the legal stuff was cleared up, I'd leave, I decided. I'd find a job and move on. Maybe Beau would be nice enough to let me see Pari once in a while. Perhaps I could be her favorite babysitter.
When I was ready to leave, I'd talk to Beau about that—beg him if needed—so I could continue to see my baby girl, seeher grow up, and see her become what Asha and I never could—a healthy, normal adult. We'd been broken as children, and had grown into adults with a fractured sense of self. I had no business raising a child, not with the ugliness that lived inside of me.
Chapter 12
Beau
"That's not a phone," I exclaimed, bewildered, looking at the beat-up thing in her hand like it was a relic from the Stone Age.
"Is too," Mira shot back, holding up the tiny, scratched burner that could probably only handle a few texts and a couple of calls before it gave up entirely.
I raised an eyebrow. "That's not a phone. That's...what is that, a pager from 1980?"
She sighed, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, clearly annoyed. "It works. I can make calls and send texts. That's all I need."
I stared at her, absolutely floored. "Mira, that thing is one step away from being a walkie-talkie. What happens if you need to reach me? Or Pari gets sick? What if there's an emergency?"
She shrugged, looking down at the burner like it wasn't a big deal. "I can manage all that just fine with this phone."
"Fine?" I repeated, incredulous. I was trying to keep my temper in check, but it was starting to bubble over. "This isn't about youmanaging. It's about Pari; about you having an emergency. You need to be able to reach me, reach anyone, immediately. What if something happens and you run out of minutes, or the battery dies on that ancient thing?"
"I'll make sure that doesn't happen," she muttered, biting her lip. "I can't let you buy me a phone, Beau. I can't get used to things I can't afford. How will I manage after I leave?"
That hit me like a slap.
"Leave? What the fuck, Mira? I thought we'd sorted this out?" And we had. After the Fallon debacle, I'd kept my family and Fallon away from Mira. Nova and she had started to get to know one another better in the past month. Mama saw Pari but only when I took her to visit. Trevor and Katya were busy and flitted in and out, thank the Lord!
I'd told Fallon that we were managing fine when she poked her nose in, which was all the fucking time. But I'd invited her into this aspect of my life so I couldn't blame her for being concerned.
We'd set up Pari's room, which was a little girl's dream come true—Mira's words, not mine. The interior designer had done one hell of a job, and it was all blues and pinks, rabbits, and unicorns—everything Pari loved. She still ended up in Mira's room at night, not seeking me out,yet. I wondered if Fallon had been right, that I needed to slowly assert myself as the parent Pari turned to, which meant putting some distance between her and Mira. But that little girl had gone through enough upheaval, and I didn't want to add to it. Also, I liked having Mira around.We were becoming a family of sorts, especially in the past two weeks since Roxy took her month-long summer break.
We ate together—went for walks, went shopping, and spent our weekends doing kid stuff like going to the zoo or spending the day by the pool. I usually worked all the time or went out with friends or on a date—so this was way more domestic than I'd ever been. But, already, I couldn't imagine life without Pari…or Mira—both my girls had ingrained themselves indelibly into my everyday life.
Mira and I were vibrating with sexual tension—but we'd held back, not letting our libidos get the better of us. It would be easier if I could go out and get laid, but I didn't want that—I didn't want to be away from my little family. I ignored the voice in my head that reminded me, "You also don't want any other woman but Mira!"
I was, as my friend Gabriel Rhodes joked, becoming house-trained. He should know. His wife, Aurora, had just had a baby girl, Sarah, and they were cocooning, as he put it, along with Gabe's older daughter, Sophia.
"I'll eventually have to leave," Mira confirmed what I feared she was thinking.
Frustration was building in me, pushing against the limits of my patience. She was always doing this—putting up walls, insisting she wouldn't stay long-term, that she didn't need or want help, when it was obvious that she didn'twantto leaveandneeded my help.
"You're not leavin', Mira, so get that into your thick head. And you can't afford a phone, so you'll get one from me. Deal with it." I tried to keep my voice calm, though it came out sharper than I intended. This woman was pushing all of my buttons.
She glared at me. "I don't want to rely on things I can't maintain. It's not practical."
I pinched the bridge of my nose, exhaling slowly to keep myself from snapping. "I'm not asking you to take a Ferrari here. It's a phone. A basic necessity. You need it, not just for Pari, but for yourself."
"I don't want to owe you, Beau," she murmured, barely looking at me now.
That one cut deep. I wasn't trying to control her, I was trying to protect her and Pari, but she couldn't see it that way. Or maybe she didn't want to.
"You won't owe me," I said, my voice soft but firm. "This isn't about you and me. This is about making sure Pari is safe. I don't care if you don't want to accept it for yourself, but please do it for her. You need to be able to reach me anytime."
She looked down at the floor, her jaw clenched like she was fighting with herself. I could see the exhaustion in her eyes, the strain of everything she was bearing. It wasn't just about the phone—it was about her pride, about the life she'd been scraping together, piece by piece. But damn it, she couldn't keep doing this.
"I'll get you a phone," I stated, my tone leaving no room for argument. "One that actually works. And you're going to use it."