Page 28 of More Than Meets the Eye

“I’m just hungry.” I forced myself to smile and started building a castle out of jam tubs and sugar packets. “What did you say the special was?”

She handed me the small container of butter tubs. “I didn’t, but it’s pot roast.”

“I love pot roast.”

“You love all food.”

“Not Brussels sprouts.” I shuddered. “They smell like feet.”

Within minutes, Lorraine was back with our lunches. She handed Tess a plate brimming with pot roast, potatoes, and carrots, plus a salad and a basket of biscuits.

She gave me a plate with a tiny piece of roast, two pieces of potato, one carrot, and a heaping helping of Brussels sprouts, and then she flounced off.

It’s hard to flounce when you’re wearing orthopedic shoes, but Lorraine managed it.

“What did you do to her?” Tess asked in astonishment.

“I hurt her feelings,” I said grimly, smelling dirty feet. “I’ll be right back.”

I scooped up the plate and, holding it as far from my nose as possible, tracked Lorraine down in the kitchen.

“I’m sorry!”

“You should be!”

“Well, I am! Now, what do I do to make this up to you?”

Suddenly, she burst out laughing. “You look pitiful standing there holding that plate. Here. Give it to me.”

She dumped the plate into the sink and dished me up a tiger-sized portion of pot roast.

“Thank you,” I said humbly. “Now. Do you have any advice? Wait. Anyreasonableadvice that doesn’t involve pugs or toolboxes or renting city hall?”

“What?” But then she shook her head, her white curls flying. “Never mind. Yes. Here’s my advice: you and Tess already have a glorious life together. Crazy, sure, but a great life. Your proposal should reflect that and show her memories of your time together.”

With that, she walked out, leaving me staring after her in dismay. “I’m not going to propose to her while we hang upside down from a zip line at an alligator farm!”

But she was gone.

I looked at Beau, the owner and the cook. “Got any ideas?”

“Nope.”

Beau was a man of few words.

The entire lunch was more of the same. Everyone kept calling Tess over to talk so I’d be left alone and helpless, at the mercy of anybody who wanted to stop by and give me ever-more ridiculous suggestions:

Dress up like the Dead End Swamp Cabbage Festival mascot—a giant swamp cabbage—and chase her around holding out the ring.

Create a music video and sing her the proposal.

Go to Disney World and ask her on a roller coaster so we could get a picture of the exact moment I proposed.

Put it on a billboard in some town that has billboards.

Wait for next year’s town softball game and tape it to the ball and then throw it at her.

Tie it to the neck of Bubba McKee’s pet boa constrictor and hide the snake in her living room. When she finds him,voila!

---