Page 65 of It's Not Home Without You

I grabbed the door, knowing everything was about to change.

There must’ve been something in my face that gave me away. As soon as Abigail’s eyes landed on me, I watched the smile slip off her face. We were supposed to get married tomorrow, and I couldn’t go through with it. The thought of waiting at the end of the aisle made my knees weak and my stomach churn.

“Not here, Max,” Abigail warned, looking around the room at all of our guests, at all the people who came today to celebrate us. I didn’t allow myself to do the same; it was for the best. I didn’t need a reminder of how far I’d let things come. How bad I had fucked up. I gave Abigail a small nod and left to the bridal suite, the only place we could have privacy.

Abigail’s dress was already there hanging from a hook. White satin cascaded to the floor, and I waited for it to hit me. To feel like I was making a mistake, but it didn’t come. I felt more relieved than anything. When it came down to it, I could live my life and see Abigail marry someone else. I would want that for her; I wanted her to be happy, to haveeverything, and I knew that would never be me. I would only love her with a part of my heart.

On the other hand, the thought of seeing Freya walk down the aisle to another man was something I couldn’t withstand. No one in this life would love her more than I did.

I sat on the couch, my head bowed, and didn’t look until Abigail walked into the room. She closed the door slowly with shaky hands. Her face had paled; she looked at the dress before she spoke. “Please don’t say it, Max.Please.” She closed her eyes, as if that would stop me from blurting out words that would hurt her.

“I love you Abigail and this… it isn’t easy for me either.”

“But you don’t love me in the way you love her. You love her more.”

I felt it in my chest the devastation in her voice—pure heartbreak, and that made it so much worse. This would be my cross to bear. Abigail wiped the tears from her face and walked up to her dress, running her fingers lovingly across it. A dress she would never get to wear because of me.

“I waited too long… I fell for you in high school, but I knew there was still so much for us to experience, so I kept my feelings a secret. I thought I’d let you sow your wild oats, let us both live a little. What washigh school to a life together? I mean, our families have hinted at us ending up together since I could remember.” She laughed bitterly.

“Thenshehappened, and I could see it. We all could see that she was special to you. You loved her how I imagined one day you would loveme. Then you found me stranded,and I thought you were my knight in shining armor and maybe there was hope for me yet. Maybe we were meant to be.” Abigail bunched the material of the dress in her hands and ripped it off the hanger, letting it fall to the floor. “If you knew you didn’t love me, then why did you let it go so far, Max? W-why?”

She was sobbing, and I knew the last thing she’d want was for me to console her. “Do you have any idea how humiliating this will be for me? She walks into town, and you throw me aside…for her. Why, Max, why now? Why the fuck did you wait till the last second!”

“She took all of me. All the pieces that made me happy, she took with her. You got what she left behind.” I took a deep breath when I saw Abigail flinch. I didn’t want to hurt her, but I already had. “I don’t want to hurt you, Abbi, but if I married you, we wouldn’t be happy, not when we both know there’s someone else with us. I wouldn’t be able to promise you my whole heart. You deserve a man who loves you and only you, a man who will give you everything.” I stopped before saying the next part, but Abigail had a right to know. “You deserve a man who can be faithful to you.”

A maniac laugh left her lips, and more tears fell down her face. She grabbed a vase of flowers and threw it against the mirror, shattering both the vase and the glass.

“Get out!” she screamed. It tore me to leave her there alone in the room, but I couldn’t be what she wanted me to be. I walked to the door, watching her succumb to the floor, trying to rip the dress apart with her bare hands. The imageof her would haunt me for the rest of my life, but one day she’d see I wasn’t the one for her.

I walked out of the room in a daze. Making my way to the reception, I went straight to the microphone. Once people noticed me, all eyes came on me. “I’m sorry,” I said, and murmurs flew across the whole room. “I think it’s best if everyone went home.” They needed no other explanation. I made my way to the door and breathed fresh air for the first time in years. Lightning lit the sky, and the thunder helped block the chaos I left behind me.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

The gossip circlesin my old life were buzzing the hot news on everyone’s lips: I was a cheater.

This didn’t bother me. It was freeing having gotten closure from that part of my life. Ashton had kept true to his word. After I called him, he picked me up in his rental. Ash didn’t comment on the fact that I was crying or that I was a wreck. He drove us to the airport, to his private jet, where he poured me a glass of scotch, turned on his laptop, and left me alone. When we got to the airstrip in San Francisco, Victor was waiting, so was Enzo, Ashton’s lawyer and close friend.

“Victor will drive you wherever you need to go for as long as you stay in town,” Ashton said. Then he walked away. The first few days in San Francisco, I was still in shock after what I had done. I went back to work and told them I would be quitting. I was not going to lie and say it was easy,because it was hard. I owed my job everything. They helped me become the woman I was today. That job enabled me to stand proudly on my own two feet, but I’d been standing still for a while. It was time for me to move on.

The guilt set in after. The feeling was like carrying a heavy load on your back day in and day out. It made everything I did exhausting and made me feel undeserving. When the gala came, I had accepted that I had slept with Max while he would marry another woman. I had to learn to live with that for my own sanity.

The dress I wore for the gala was a going-away present from my boss. It was a beautiful ruby red, mermaid-style dress.

Ashton picked me up from my hotel. “You look lovely,” he said, and I heard the remorse in his voice.

“Remember our deal,” I snapped back.

“Just for tonight,” he replied. That whole night, I saw my old life through clear eyes, and I realized that I was a small-town girl; glitz and glamour weren’t for me. I smiled at my “old friends”who dropped me when Ashton and I first split. All those women wanted to be me, and I laughed in pity at them.

The night dragged on, and my fake smile was becoming faker and faker, my politeness was wearing thin.

“It’s hard to pretend to be something you’re not,cara mia.” Enzo, Ashton’s lawyer, stood next to me while he ordered himself a drink.

I gave him a droll look. I never liked him, and I thoughtthe feeling was mutual. “And you know all about living a double life?”

Enzo’s eyes roamed my body, and he gave me a feral smile. I could see the appeal he had on women. With black hair and dark brown eyes, he looked menacing. “Amore, we’re not talking about me. We’re talking about you. Now close that mouth and smile at everyone. Give them the show they came here to see.”

“You want me to keep pretending to love Ash?” I bit back.

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