Page 52 of It's Not Home Without You

“Dammit, get in the car, Freya,” he growled in my ear. Hefuckinggrowled. I was about to protest, but he pushed me in. I watched him as he made his way over to the driver’s side. When Max climbed into the car, it suddenly wasn’t big enough; there wasn’t enough air for both of us. I wondered if he was thinking about the last time we were together in this car? I knew I was trying not to.

“You can drop me off at Emma’s.” My face turned away from him. It was easier that way. Why torture myself more? There was no point in it anymore.

When Max spoke, his voice was much gentler than it had been. “I’m not cashing the check, Freya. Eugene and I had a previous arrangement. Abigail didn’t agree to it; that’s her problem, not yours.”

I said nothing. I already had a feeling he wouldn’t cash it. Not because of me but because of my grandpa. So, I’d mailed Abigail another check.

“I’m sorry about Prescott,” he added.

“Prescott has always been a dick, not surprised by his attitude. I can’tbelieve people want him to be our mayor.” I thought he would take offense, but he chuckled, and I couldn’t help but turn to look at him. Since my return, I’d seen Max smile, but I hadn’t heard his laughter. It was like listening to an old song you forgot you used to love, and when you heard it again, you wondered how the hell youever forgot itin the first place. Hearing him laugh made me sad.

I used to make him laugh all the time.

I used to make him smile.

I was the one who made him happy.

“You said the same thing when he won prom king.”

I had said manythings about Prescott. I thought Max liked that I didn’t fawn over his brother like all the other girls.

Max drove slowly, but the ride was still over quickly.

When Emma’s Coffee came into view, Max spoke. “I’m sorry for what I said in my office. It was out of line… Freya… I…”

I held my hand up to stop him from saying more. I might not know this new Max, but traces of my boy were still in there. My boy wasn’t mean, and when he was, he always apologized. Abigail was lucky, and I hated that I handed Max off to her, that he found in her the love he once got from me.

With one hand on my door, I turned to look at him. “I wish you would hate me—like actuallyhate me so that the mere sight of me would make you sick. It would make this easier. I know it won’t mean much, especially now, but I’m sorry. I’m sorry for leaving as I did. You deserved so much better than me... I’m glad you found it.” I whispered the last part.

I got out of thecar before I confessed things that were too late to say. There was no point. He didn’t know it, but he had my heart, my soul, my love.

Max

I wish you hated me.Her softly spoken words slayed me, piercing my heart, and I wished I didn’t fucking hate her. Couldn’t she see it all was an act? That being courteous to her is my way of showing that she didn’t rip my heart out. That pretending like she didn’t break me was easier than letting her know how much it affected me when she left me.

I was not the same guy who fell in love with her, the same kid who thought he was a lucky son of a bitch because he had Freya Pratt.

That guy died the day I found her fucking letter.

I slammed my hand against the steering wheel, making the car swerve. It wasn’t my car’s fault how pissed I was. I would have given it all up for her. My car, my trust fund, the Dunnett legacy, just to have her in my arms.

If I didn’t care, then why was the note she left me still in my wallet ready to fall apart? I didn’t have to read it to know what it said. I memorized every single word she wrote because it was the last thing I had of her. The promise ring I had given her I threw in the stream. I sat on the bridge and watched it sink. Freya always said she never wanted to be like her mother. Instead, she left.

When I made it to the old water tower; I put the car in park and climbed the old stairs, scaredthey would break. When Freya left, I used to come up here all the time. It was in this damn place where I remembered her best. Where Icould hear her laughter in the wind. Smell apples in the air. It was the place where she gave herself to me,and I swore, if I closed my eyes, I could still see her lying down looking up at me with trust, want, and love.

How did we end up like this?

I looked up at the stars, hoping like hell they had an answer because I had moved on. I had let her go, ready to move on to a life without her. “Why didn’t anyone tell me she would come back?”

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

Where had the time gone?

Wasn’t I supposed to be looking for a new dream? Getting my shit together and figuring out what I would do now?I had done everything but get my shit sorted. I had been in knots since I got here. I was confident I would have been fine living the rest of my life in denial, but that wasn’t an option anymore. It was fine when in the back of my mind lingering feelings for Max still existed. Admitting my feelings only made them real.

Trust me, it should be a sport the way I pretended not to notice Abigail walking into Max’s office with a bag of lunch or when their car passed by the shop and I saw her laughing.

“You’re wastingall the hot water. Go jump in the shower,” my grandpa grumbled. He was sitting across from me eating the breakfast he swore he didn’t want. “If you’regetting anything from that closet of yours, get it soon. It’s supposed to rain.“

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