Page 28 of It's Not Home Without You

I was on the verge of jumping down the water tower; that would be less humiliating. “Max... is everything okay?”

“I didn’t bring a condom. I wasn’t expecting this.” He looked so heartbroken and angry at himself it made me laugh. I glanced down at his hard-on. It was harder than I’d ever seen it before, and I’d seen it plenty of times.

“It’s okay, Max—”

“Baby, please shut up. I will not be one of those guys and think with my dick and give you the whole ‘I’ll pull out’ shit. I wouldn’t do that to you. I love you, Freya, but please put your clothes on before my willpower evaporates.”

“Lucky for you, I stole this from Rusty’s truck earlier this week.” Removing my bra, I took out the condom I had stashed on the side. Before I could hand it to him, Max ripped it from my hand and was putting it on.

“Have I told you how much I fucking love you?” Max kissed my nose then my lips.

“Always, but it’s my favorite thing to hear, so I don’t mind.” I grinned at him. Then we both got serious, knowing things would change. I held on to his shoulders when he pushed inside me.

“So... fucking... tight,” Max rasped. I put my face in the crook of his neck. His smell relaxed me. I never felt more at home than I did when I was in his arms, and in that moment I knew no one else would ever make me feel like this. Home was a feeling, not a place, and as long as I laid my head on Max’s shoulders, I would always be home.

“Fuck,” he whispered in my ear while I winced as he took my innocence. It was over quickly, but it was still the most beautiful I’d ever felt. Wrapped in Max’s arms, our souls became one. It was everything I’d ever dreamed of andmore. Our first time was something special. Max loved me, and nothing could ever taint that memory.

“Freya,” Max said a while later. My head rested on his naked chest, and both of us were under the blankets, looking at the dark sky covered with a mantle of stars.

“Mm-hm.”

“I’m going to community college next year,”he said.

My world stopped for the second time that night. “Max, you can’t.” I would not be selfish. As much as I wanted him, as much as I needed him, I couldn’t let him do this. “Max, no, you are going to Chicago, and that’s final.”

He put a finger to my lips. “It’s already done. I can see you every day. It’s just two years. When you graduate, we’ll figure out.”

The news changed everything, yet nothing. I knew there would be backlash from his parents, but Max was stubborn, and when he made up his mind,that was it. He wouldn’t be swayed.

I told myself he had made that decision on his own, and that I wasn’t selfish.

Not at all.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

All night I was restless,watching the time go by, waiting for the sun to break out. I knew Russell liked to be at the shop early. I got out of the bed carefully; I didn’t need to wake Abigail. I didn’t need her to think something was wrong when I wasn’t sure myself. I didn’t want her asking questions about a past I never discussed. I didn’t need to worry about the past either, but yesterday I let Freya get to my head.

Fuck, just knowing she was back in town made those forgotten memories real again. I was at Emma’s working because it was quiet and peaceful, but mostly because I wanted to see her to know she was real. To knowI hadn’t made her up. I needed the sting of pain I felt when I saw her to remind me of what she didto me. So, I sat there, dreading having to see her because, every time I did, it was a reminder of one of the lowest points of my life. The words of her letter kept playing on repeat like a jammed CD.

When Freya finally walked in, looking as beautiful as ever and ranting about exes, a part of me was glad she was just as affected as I was. I thoughtI would apologize, talk to her alone, and try to get answers. Then I could finally close the Freya chapter of my life just in time for my wedding. It was crazy, I knew it was, but then she turned and told me I was cool, that I wasn’t a pain in her ass, diminishing what we had once again. All the anger I thought I worked through came back tenfold, so I wrote those words on the board and got the fuck out of there.

“Babe, where are you going? I thought we were having breakfast with Prescott and Rachel,” a sleepy Abigail asked through hooded eyes. Usually, looking at her soothed me, but right now the effect was anything but calming. Instead of answering her, I kissed the top of her head.

“Go back to sleep, Abbi,” I whispered, and I felt like a dick when she smiled at me trustingly and did as I asked. A part of me wanted to feel guilty for looking for answers, but it wasn’t like I was doing anything wrong.

Was I?

When I pulled into Hayward’s Auto Shop, I was glad it was just Russell who was there and not his father. My pride was already taking a hit. I didn’t need anyone else to know how much Freya’s return was affecting me. Russell was on the computer when I walked in. As if he knew it was me, he spoke without looking up. “I don’t want to be in the middle of it.”

“No offense, but you’ve always been in the middle. That black eye I had for a week sure felt like the middle of it.When we got together, you told me if I broke her heart, you’d snap my neck; thatdefinitely was in the middle.” It wasn’t a smart thing to say because Rusty looked up and gave me a hard look.

“What do you want me to do, Max? Pick sides? Because you know I wouldn’t do that.”

“She’s a fucking whore! She didn’t even show up to your wedding, and yet you want to act as if nothing happened? Are you shitting me right now?” I hated to admit that I had looked for her. My stomach sank with each person who walked in that wasn’t her. I hated her.Everything that went wrong with my life was because of Freya fucking Pratt.

Russell glared at me, but his anger was no match for the rage I had bottled up for the last seven years. “You want to know why she didn’t show at my wedding? I didn’t invite her, and now she’s pissed at me for that. I had a choice to make, you or her, and I chose you.”

Russell’s answer took me back; I dropped into thechair by the waiting area, put my elbows on my knees, and stared at the floor. I could understand why Russell did what he did, and it made me feel a little ashamed. I was a fucking mess back then.

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