Page 21 of It's Not Home Without You

If I closed my eyes, I could still feel him. I could feel his arms caressing my sides until a slow ache took place. I could feel his breath on my skin causing shivers to break out. I didn’t remember our last kiss, but I remembered how it felt when he kissed me, how he would hover right above my lips, and it was heaven and hell because all I saw was him. All I smelled was him. When he finally put his lips on mine, I never wanted the kiss to end but needed the next one to begin.

But Max had moved on, and I should be happy for him, but I couldn’t. All that talk about him deserving the best faded because a part of me screamed thatIwas the best.

Jess handed me a cup, taking me out of my trance. Itconfused me since I had given Abigail her psycho drink, but I read the name on the side and cursed myself.

Max.

“Here you go,” I mumbled, interrupting him and his girlfriend. God, the words left a sour taste in my mouth. Acidic. Max looked up, his eyes widening for just a second, but he took the drink I was offering. Again, maybe I expected him to go off on me. Heck, at this point, I would welcome it. It had to be better than the coolness he was giving me.

“Honey, can you believe Freya works here?” I didn’t know why Abigail was trying to make me feel embarrassed about working in a coffee shop when it was honest work. I didn’t work here; I was just helping out, but I didn’t need to let the bitch know that.

“That’s great. Emma reallyneeded help. I’m glad you’re helping her,” Max said with a smile. Seriously, he was going to smile at me? After what I did, he could stand there looking at me without flinching?

What hurt the most was Max being nice. On a rare occasion, I pictured our reunion; it was never like this. I expected Max angry and demanding answers… I expected him to hate me.

Hate evoked passion. But his gentleness, all it did was serve as a reminder I wasn’t worth remembering.

“Well, as lovely as this reunion has been, we have to go. We have brunch with my parents, and we don’t want to be late.” Abigail’s eyes gleamed. Max was about to pay, but she insisted it was her treat. My world stopped for a secondwhen she handed me the cash. It wasn’t because she gave me a hundred-dollar bill and told me to keep the change. Bitch. On her left hand sat a heart-shaped engagement ring. I stood there watching Abigail and Max walk away while I stared at both of them. They weren’t just dating; oh no, they were engaged.

Then I remembered what Jana said at the supermarket. Abigail Newton is getting married. She would get married to Max.

My Max.

Except he wasn’t my Max anymore. He wasn’t anything to me.I made sure of that when I left him. Pastor Ian was right, decisions had a way of setting forth a chain of events you couldn’t predict. This was all on me. I drove Max right into Abigail’s arms.

I watched them leave hand in hand, walking to Max’s Mercedes, and as much as it pained me, they looked good together. Better than we ever did. We were kids back then, not knowing what we wanted. Now he was a man, and he would get married. I felt the warmth of a tear sliding down my cheek. Whipping it away, I noticed that a few people were staring at me.

“I’m going to take a quick break.” I smiled, trying to play off my hurt, but Emma saw past it, giving me a sad smile of her own.

“Take all the time you need.”

I didn’t need much encouragement to get out of everyone’s view. I’d be damned if they saw me fall apart. I walked back so the people wouldn’t see I cracked the seams that Ihad carefully put back together when I left this town. When I made it to the back, behind the kitchen island, I sank down to the floor. My hands were shaking. I was cold but also numbed. What did I expect to happen? I guess, as silly as it sounded, a part of me held on to hope that one day maybe things would work out, but that was stupid, wasn’t it? I mean, I left town; I had a life for myself, and when I met Ashton, I had a new future with a new guy.

Then why did it hurt more to know Maximilian was getting married than when I walked in on Ashton cheating on me?

I didn’t feel like crying when I walked in on Ashton. I was angry because I felt like the world’s biggest fool, but seeing Max with his fiancée opened my eyes. I saw him standing at the altar waiting for her, then at the hospital waiting for their first child.

I went cold. This was all my fault, and I wanted to be happy for him, but at the same time,I couldn’t help but ask myself if I ever meant anything to him at all. Did he love her more than he loved me? I knew the past was better left in the past, but this fucking hurt because he was mine… but now he was hers.

Sticks and stones, right? Except sticks and stones didn’t qualify for this type ofpain. Sticks and stones didn’t protect you from heartbreak, just bullies.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Eighteen years old

There wasa light tapping on my window, but I knew that couldn’t be possible since my room was on the second floor.Clank.There was that sound again. When I opened the window to look outside, I almost got hit in the face by a rock.

What the fuck?

My anger quickly evaporated when I saw my girl at the bottom waving at me. My parents weren’t home tonight. Immediately my night brightened up. “What are you doing down there? Come on, I’ll open the front door.”

I had to dodge another rock. “I’m not here for that, asshole. Grab a black hoodie, if it’s even in your Richie Rich wardrobe, and meet us outside.“

Us?

That’s when I noticed what she was wearing. I groaned. I loved and hated those little black cotton shorts. They stuckto her body like Velcro, and I wasn’t the only one who took notice when she wore them. At least Prescott had graduated last year, so he wasn’t around to make remarks. Freya had on a black hoodie that said Hayward’s Auto Shop. It bothered me she was wearing Russell’s hoodie and not mine, so when I came down, I grabbed not just a black hoodie for myself but one for her.

When I came outside, Freya was standing with Russell and Jake. Coming behind my girl, I wrapped my arms around her waist and rested my chin on the top of her head. It never went away, that rush of excitement I felt whenever I touched her.

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