Page 45 of Brutal Empire

The worst kindof fear you could have was to fear the unknown. To fear something you had yet to touch, smell, or taste. Fear was like a cage that kept you suppressed. It fed on your emotions, making you smaller without you ever realizing it.

If there was one thing I’d learned from my time with Daphne, it was that everything in our world was meant to keep us oppressed—because a human who had no restraints was labeled unhinged or deranged.

Religion, governments, and social norms were all ways to get us to fall in line and keep us divided. All it took was one rebellion, and if everyone banded together, it would start a war.

My fear wasn’t the unknown. I wanted to learn, and I wanted to grow. I feared the past. I feared what was underneath the secrets and the lies, the bare bones of a foundation. Because discovering that they weren’t as strong as you thought, it would all crumble.

Two of my fingers touched my lips. I could still feel his mouth on mine. I had nothing to compare it to. I remembered my so-called boyfriend but not his touch or his kisses. His memory brought me rage. It was like lava that I was dying to unleash on him if I ever were to see his face again. His death would be the only thing to satiate the fire but not extinguish it completely.

There were no thoughts ofhimwhile Bastian claimed my lips, but then again, my master did so many things to me and my body, but he never kissed my mouth.

Pets don’t deserve kisses.

His voice still mocked me, and I wondered if there would ever be a day when he wasn’t haunting me because followed by his memory was always the shame.

My humanity had still been there, and the hopes and dreams of a foolish little girl who thought that if the monster could love her, it would set her free. He laughed in my face as I sought his lips, thinking I had something to prove. I tried to tell myself that I did not want to die and that I was strong, but all he saw was defiance, which lit him up like a Christmas tree because his pet was strong and wasn’t brokenyet.

Everything about me had been reborn and forged anew, and this kiss was my first. It had been soft but not sweet. It was like the calm before the storm—something soothing before it swallowed you whole. It was that hint of danger that caused the emotions that were already causing havoc in me to run amok.

All I had ever felt between my legs was pain, but last night, there had been a single spark of pleasure, and that fucking terrified me. Since I had been rescued, I couldn’t stand being near a man. It took some getting used to, to being near Gideon, and maybe that had prepared me to be able to stand next to Bastian.

Men like Bastian were terrifying. They emitted lethal raw masculine energy, but there was something sexual about it. One wrong move and they could kill you or have you bent over.

The killing part had not been an issue. After my first kill, I craved that crazy energy it fed you. The way your body shook from overstimulation, and your heart beat a little too fast from a dash of fear. Because no matter how many lives I’d taken, there was still a little voice inside my head telling me it was wrong. I wasn’t God, and I didn’t get to decide who lived and who died, but then again, that was what made it all better.

It was wrong to do something that felt so good. Because if I were going to hell, I was making sure men who liked to prey on the weak got there first.

I’d been up for hours, barely having slept, so I knew I should get out and stop hiding. I’d spent enough time with Bastian to know he would not let me hide for long.

“I want to fuck you so bad, Angel, but I don’t want to push you for things you’re not ready to give.”

Chills spread from the top of my head to my toes, but it wasn’t fear. My fingertips traced the contours of my lips once more.

Since I woke up in Daphne’s cottage, all I’d known was change, and for the most part, I had embraced it, but this change I didn’t know if I was ready for, maybe not now—or ever.

When I came out of the room, I heard movement at the end of the hall. Something smelled good, and I followed the smell until I returned to the same place I had run away from last night.

“Morning, Angel,” Bastian greeted me in his usual cheery tone.

My nose scrunched. I wasn’t sure if I was glad he didn’t bring up last night or disappointed.

“What’s the plan?” I asked as I went to stand behind the kitchen island, leaving it between us.

Bastian looked up at me, and there was a softness in him that wasn’t there before, or maybe one that I didn’t allow myself to see. You see, since I was taken, I stopped seeing men altogether. I didn’t look at them with hearts in my eyes but with fear. My gaze didn’t linger, nor did I think they were attractive. Men were just there. Nothing about them stood out to me other than the fact that some of them were monsters hiding in plain sight. They were something to be wary of but not have my attention on other than to try to figure out the fastest way to kill them.

Bastian was handsome, and I gripped the counter because that made me want to take ten steps back. Xander Yates had been handsome as well. The boyfriend I remembered had also been cute. Beauty could be deadly because it sneaked up on you before it struck you down.

At my question, Bastian smiled. The five-o’clock shadow he sported when I picked him up from that Mexican cell was now a neatly trimmed beard.

“So eager for us to die?” he joked, and I was transfixed by how his mouth moved.

That mouth had been on me.

I blinked away the thought right away.

“We’re going to die?” I cocked my head and met his gaze for the first time this morning.

Those dark eyes absorbed me. I had never feared the dark because I didn’t think monsters existed. I felt safe, confined in the shadows like a cloak that kept me safe until the morning sun came. Then, when all I knew was darkness, did it begin to scare me. It swallowed me whole, and no matter how much I tried to crawl back to the surface and feel some sunlight, it gripped me tighter, dragging me around and keeping me a prisoner to the dark.

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