Page 62 of Cruel Crown

“I’ll be back,” I swore.

“Be safe, Your Grace.” She waved me off as she returned to her tea party.

As soon as I got out of the room, I closed the door behind me and leaned against it, feeling like I had run a marathon.

“What the fuck was that?” Gideon asked.

I shook my head. I couldn’t do it here, and it wasn’t safe. We walked out of the tower, then ran back to the tunnels, Gideon on my heels. As soon as we were in the darkness, I broke down. I held on to the wall for support because seeing Alexis always made me feel so raw and exposed. I didn’t even get to fall because Gideon was there holding on to me.

“This is your fault,” I said because it was easier to blame him.

He didn’t get offended; he just hugged me tight until the smell of nicotine with Chanel Allure lulled me.

“You make me feel…” I hissed. “I don’t want to feel.”

“I’m tired of being numb” was his reply. No apologies, no “let’s talk about this.” He wasn’t letting me go.

“That could have been me,” I said, and I felt him go still. “As the Sekt started to get corrupt, a lot of the original families vanished. When Ivan took over, he killed a few.”

“That’s why only you and Damian are from founding families,” Gideon finished for me.

“And Alexis.”

The tunnel was silent, with the occasional vibration that came from other parts of the castle. It was dark, but I thought it was better this way. Baring your soul was easier in the dark than in the light. At least with no light on, you couldn’t see how awful it really was.

“Ivan was a sick, sadistic fuck,” I spat. He might have sired me, but he had never been a father. “When he realized that I bounced back from my abuse, unlike other kids my age, he was fascinated. He saw it as an opportunity.” Gideon’s breathing came in pants, and I knew he was enraged on my behalf.

“Growing up in the castle was lonely. We rarely left because not only was it safest here, and Ivan had many enemies, but it made him feel like a king. For him to slowly command a society that was ancient, cold, and deadly, it became like a drug.”

Gideon guided my head to his chest. The beating of his heart helped calmed me.

“Why did you need to talk to her?”

“Because she knows where Ivan hid an item I am looking for… when we were in London, I recovered a necklace.”

“One of the imperial lost jewelry.” He said it like it was nothing. “Baby, I pay attention to everything you do.”

“Whoever gets all four lost artifacts back gets the power. It is believed the old families would come out of hiding and try to reclaim the Sekt.”

Gideon brought his hand up to caress my check. “Don’t get offended, but baby, you sound kinda crazy.”

“You wouldn’t understand,” I said sadly. He wasn’t born inside this place, he wasn’t taught our traditions. I knew it might sound crazy, but for me, it was normal.

“Then make me…” he said with such sincerity that it lodged inside my heart.

“I was Ivan’s first test subject. When he saw that he didn’t destroy me, he went after Alexandria.”

“The other girl you talked about,” he guessed.

I shook my head.

“Alexandria is Alexis—it’s her given name, but when we were little, we called her Alexis. She was always running everywhere and loved heights. She was fun and full of life. They started calling her Dove, and it became her alias.”

“Fuck,” Gideon said as he kissed the side of my head. “He broke her.”

“I thought I had it bad…it was nothing compared to what she got. Ivan was a monster. I guess being his daughter saved me from him and the worst of his contacts. They broke her so badly that one day she just wasn’t there. Her mind became so fragile that she split herself into three personalities. Alexis is the innocent part of her, the one that thinks and acts like a child. Then there’s Alexandria, who remembers everything, all the pain, and just wants to kill herself.”

I stopped to gather my breath.

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