Page 26 of Falcon's Prey

My chest was rising and falling as I did what he asked of me. I sank to my knees and didn’t say a thing. I didn’t need him at my back—not right now. If he wanted to mistake my hatred for lust, that was on him. It was amazing how we as humans could mentally check out when we did things we didn’t enjoy doing. Like doing a grocery list, thinking of what errands to run, or even contemplating murder. My thumb pressed against the thorns in my flaming heart ring, feeling the pressure as I broke my skin. This was a better outlet for my pain.

Silas groaned as he came in my mouth. As soon as he was done, I got up, went to the bathroom attached to my father’s room, and spat his release out. I probably rinsed my mouth five times before I went out of the room. Silas wasn’t around, and for that, I was thankful. He’d gotten what he wanted from me, and for now he would be content.

I refused to feel violated.I had made my fucked-up bed, and now I was lying in it. I left my father’s room in a hurry; shame didn’t allow me to say goodbye to him. For all I knew, this could be the last time I’d see him.

Marcus and Ren came to me as soon as they saw me round the corner.

“Is your father okay?” Marcus asked.

“Yeah. Can you please stay with him?” I pleaded with Marcus, using that weakness I knew he had for me. I know it was wrong, but at the moment, I didn’t care.

“Yeah, you don’t even have to ask,” he said, his voice soft.

He started to reach for my face, but Ren pulled me away before Marcus could get his hands on me. Too drained to care, I let Ren drag me toward the elevator so we could head home.

“You fucked him,” Ren stated as the elevator door closed.

For a second, I froze, wondering if he knew my dirty little secret.

“What?”

“Marcus,” Ren growled.

I relaxed and leaned against the rail. I felt too tired of today—of life.

“I’ve fucked a lot of guys, Ren,” I admitted.

I didn’t dare look at his face. Not when I was feeling like shit.

The ride down was slow, the tension thick. I was starting to suffocate—at least it felt that way. Not able to stand it anymore, I looked up only to find Ren’s gaze on me. There was no emotion on his face, just an empty stare.

“I know what you think of me,” I said; he raised a brow. “I know what the world thinks of me too.”

“Is this the part where you tell me you’re trying to fill a void?”

I glared at him.

“No, this is who I am. I make no apologies for it. I make my decisions, and I live with them.”

“So, if I had left you with Marcus, would you have gotten your lipstick ruined, fucked him, and called it grief?”

His words killed, but I’d be dammed if I let him know that. I’d be dammed if I let the world know my weakness. When the elevator door dinged, I was more than happy to walk out.

Fuck him.

Fuck Silas.

Fuck my dad.

Too bad for me, there was no shaking my bodyguard at this time. Ren was there, opening my car door for me. I took a step to go in, but stopped.

“My lipstick doesn’t smear, so if I kneeled to suck dick, you’d never know,” I spat at him before going in.

The door closed with a loud thud, covering how fast my heart rate had gotten. As soon as the car turned on, I pressed the button for the partition. I couldn’t look at Ren now. I didn’t want to give him another excuse to judge me. Digging through the compartment in the middle, I sighed in relief when I found a little vial.

You see, I wasn’t your typical addict. I didn’t yearn for my next hit. I didn’t go crazy thinking about my next high. I did it to suppress the emotions when they became too much because I’d been disappointed my whole life, so I could control it.

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