Nick threw a hand over my shoulder and hugged me to him. “I’m not here to judge or anything. Things haven’t been easy with us. Not since we lost Mom and Dad.”
I burrowed into my brother’s warmth and asked him a question I’d been scared to ask since the night my parents died. “Do you blame me?”
“Jesus, Scar,” Nick whispered, pulling me closer to him. “Is that what you thought?”
“I blamed myself,” I told him truthfully.
He made me face him. “It was an accident, Scar. It’s not your fault. How many times did they tell us to call them if we were drunk? I called Dad a bunch of times.”
“The one time I call—”
“Stop,” Nick demanded. “They called me that night to see if I could pick you up, but I was with a girl…and yeah. I wonder what if…but that won’t change shit, Scar. They’re gone, and they wouldn’t want us to blame ourselves. They would want you to be happy…I want you to be happy.” He finished the last part on a soft plea.
My eyes were teary, and my throat clogged a bit. I’d had no idea about that. God, it pained me that Nick lived with that on his conscience. I found some comfort in Nick’s words.
“He makes me happy,” I whispered.
“Then give yourself a chance at happiness.” He kissed my forehead once again. “Come to the game. You can stand with me.”
I didn’t say yes, but I also didn’t say no. “You can do that?”
Nick winked at me and left. I took a deep breath, and when I let it out, I did so feeling lighter.
With shaky hands, I opened the box, and the first thing I saw was Gavin’s scrawly writing.
It’s always been you.
For the first time in these past few days, I felt a flutter. Those damn butterfly wings he seemed to evoke hadn’t completely died.
Inside the box were pictures from elementary to when he came back to high school. Gavin’s mom always had a camera ready, so I wasn’t surprised seeing them, but I was surprised he had them. There was a picture that was folded. I remembered when it was taken; it was right before Gavin and Gigi had started dating. I was in my poms uniform, and Gigi had her cheer on. Gavin was in the middle, his arms extended and holding us both. While Gigi and I smiled at the camera, he was looking down at me. Gavin had folded Gigi out of the picture. It was like in that memory she didn’t exist; it was just him and I. I looked through the photographs, and the memories weren’t as painful today as they seemed yesterday.
* * *
Game day got herein a blur, and it felt like I barely had time to let it all sink in. The school was buzzing with excitement. The girls had practice, and I was still receiving gifts. The Pringles were going to get me fat. I didn’t care because they were delicious.
I was walking to my class when I felt someone next to me, and my belly dipped thinking it washim. I missed him, and I was worried because he hadn’t been in class, but Ollie, who had been sitting behind me, assured me he would be back.
“Don’t look so disappointed,” Quincy said when he saw my face fall.
“I’m not.”
“Between you and me, it’s killing him to stay away.”
A part of me was surprised he hadn’t approached me at all.
“Here.” Quincy handed me a coffee.
“Um, thanks,” I said, taking it. “Why are you giving me coffee?”
He gave me a grin. “I worked in a coffee shop in high school. My boss said the way to a man’s heart is through food, and for a woman, it’s a warm cup of coffee.”
I nodded and took a sip, wondering how true that was, and noticed people staring at us. For the first time I didn’t feel uncomfortable.
When I got to my building, Quincy stopped in front of me. “Come to the game.”
“Why is everyone demanding me to go?”
“We’re just trying to get you and Dunn back together. Now game. Tonight. Wear his shirt. Or mine,” he teased before he walked away. I shook my head, but even then, I knew I would be going to the game.