Page 55 of For Three Seconds

“I was happy for her; he was the guy she always wanted,” I whispered.

“What about you? What about your happiness?”

My body felt hot, and this talk was getting intense. “It doesn’t matter. That’s in the past now.”

“Do you still have contact with either of them?”

“Gavin and Gigi are no longer together. Gigi isn’t even my friend anymore.” I added the last part like an afterthought.

“And Gavin?” she asked, sitting up straighter. “Is he still around?”

I bit my lip.

“If you don’t talk to me, you are coming in here in vain.”

“He’s around,” I whispered.

“Do you still care about him? Now that Gigi is not in the picture, there’s no reason to explore unresolved feelings.”

I stayed quiet.

“Do you resent him for dating your friend after he confessed his feelings for you? Out of all the girls, he picked Gigi. Did that bother you?”

“No. I knew that if I backed away, they would end up together.”

“Then why are you still scared? Why do keep clinging to the past instead of going forward? Gigi is not your friend, and Gavin is back. What are you so afraid of?” Her tone got firmer and louder, and my brain started to thump.

You want me, Scar, and that scares you.

“Because I killed my parents over it!” I shouted, out of breath. To my therapist’s credit, she wasn’t repulsed by me.

“How?” Her tone was soft, almost like a lullaby now.

“The night of the accident, I didn’t want to go out. It was getting harder and harder to be around Gavin and Gigi. I think if they’d dated, and he’d ignored me, I would have been fine, but he was always there: taking us to the movies, at her house, at my house with my brother. He was everywhere, and he was nice. I didn’t want to go to the party, but Gigi said he wasn’t going to be there. She p-p-promised it was just us.” I wiped the tears from my face.

The guilt of lying to my parents was getting to me. If they knew I was at a party with college boys, they would lose their shit. There were a lot of seniors and some juniors like me too because some of them used to be on the football team last year.

Gigi’s mom dropped us off, since Gavin couldn’t come. That was the main reason I agreed because it was rare when Gigi and I spent time together without Gavin around us. I knew my parents would never let me go, so I slept over at Gigi’s. Ever since her parents’ divorce, Gigi’s mom compensated her by letting her do whatever she wanted.

I finished the beer I had in my hand and went in search of Gigi because I wanted to go home already. I didn’t want to be here anymore. I searched in the backyard, and she wasn’t there. God, did she leave me? I made my way to the front of the house through the side door where there were not a lot of people.

That was where I saw them.

There was a small bench, and I quickly recognized the white top and jean skirt Gigi wore. She was humping him through his jeans; his hands were under her skirt while he kissed her.

That was when it hit me that I couldn’t be friends with my best friend anymore because I was in love with her boyfriend. I watched them kiss with a feverish passion that I had not seen from them before. For the first time in a while, I allowed myself to look at them since they couldn’t see me. Gavin’s hair was a mess, and his mouth still had not come up for air. His legs seemed longer, and his arms a little more muscular. I loved Gavin, but I could never have him.

When Gigi moaned, I turned around and went for another drink. I sat alone drinking, waiting until I saw Gigi walk back for her purse. She didn’t even look at me, and then she left.

What the hell? It was like they forgot I was even here.

I didn’t think, and I called my mother. I needed to leave, and right now, anything was better than facing Gavin and Gigi after witnessing such an intimate moment where my heart finally understood Gavin was Gigi’s, and he would never be mine.

“My selfishness caused so much pain,” I whispered as I buried my face and cried.

God, it was all my fault; my parents were dead. If I had sucked it up and accepted that Gigi and Gavin were together, that he was hers, my parents would still be alive.

“You have been blaming yourself this whole time.” My therapist’s eyes were sad. “Accepting that Gavin and Gigi were in a relationship wouldn’t have changed the outcome. It’s not your fault, Scarlett. Life is unpredictable that way. Accidents aren’t planned, nor predicted. That’s why they’re called accidents; they take you by surprise, turning your world upside down. We could drive ourselves crazy asking why, but that won’t do us any good. It was a horrible thing that happened to you and your parents, and that marked you, Scarlett, but don’t let it define you.”

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