Page 24 of For Three Seconds

Scarlett took a seat next to me so she could see the papers. “You mean I have to do more than just be a WAG?”

Her Valley Girl tone made me laugh. She then turned to me and smiled. And I’m not talking about one of those fake-ass smiles she gave me when she greeted me. This one took my breath away, and I had to look away before I did something stupid like kiss her.

“For the project, yeah. Personally, I wouldn’t care what you did or didn’t do as long as you were by my side.” The words came out before I could filter them.

“Gavin.” She said my name like she always did. Like she hated speaking that word.

Suddenly, I couldn’t take it. I jumped up from the floor, because soon I would break and I would start to touch her. Scarlett stared at me, her eyes wide and her lips a little parted.

“Do you regret it? Do you regret telling me no?”

“Gav—” she started to say, but I cut her off.

“Yes or no.”

She licked her lips, then looked anywhere but me. My shoulders sagged.

“No.” Her throaty tone made the words jarring.

“We should get a good grade,” I said as I went for my coat. “The semester is almost over; you don’t have to put up with me.”

I was almost at the door when she called my name.

“Gavin.”

I didn’t bother to look at her, because I knew how she’d look at me. I’d had her profile memorized since I was a kid.

I opened the door, but before I walked out, I said, “I wish you did. Every fucking time I think back to any of those days, I wish things would have turned out different.”

Nine

Prom

Regret:one word, six letters, and a lifetime of different emotions. For the last six months, my life had been full of regret. I thought I was dealing with my parents’ deaths, but all I was doing was suppressing the feelings. Funny how it took alcohol to my lips to make my mind clear.

The night was surprisingly warm now that summer was near. The faint heat caressed my skin, making me seek comfort in the night. I was seated on a log facing away from the flames of the bonfire. I was feeling good tonight, and the last thing I needed to remember was my parents’ car in flames as I woke up from my drunken haze. Instead, I faced the lake, cursing the length of my black prom dress because it didn’t let me move quickly.

There was a party going on behind me, yet I felt better being the girl who got drunk alone. All night I had to watch Gigi and Gavin laugh together, embrace each other. My saving grace was that I wasn’t at their table. People tell you all the time that the friends you have now won’t be there by the time you leave for college. Well, it was true. In the last semester, my best friend and I drifted apart. For a while, it felt like I was the only one keeping us together, so I let her go. In a way, I guess it felt like a breakup. It was like losing a part of yourself and wondering how you fit so perfectly in the first place.

A part of me blamed Gavin. After he left my housethatday, he didn’t speak to me again. His eyes wouldn’t seek mine, and he wouldn’t come near if Gigi were with me. He completely cut me out of his life. Not like I could blame him. At least that meant it didn’t hurt.

“You want another drink?” Dylan stumbled to where I was sitting, nursing a beer while looking at the moonlight overcasting the lake.

“I should sober up,” I said.

I didn’t pay attention to what Dylan said as he went to rejoin the party. He had been my date for prom. He basically forced me to come, and my brother agreed to it. They said I would regret it if I didn’t show. I knew regret, knew how it sunk into your bones and made you weak. Missing prom would never do that. Do you know what did? Getting so fucking drunk and calling my parents to pick me up from a party. Had I not called, they’d still be alive.

Finishing the drink I had in my hand, I walked to the lake. My legs were taking me in one step at a time. The water was cold; the lake had not lost the coolness from the winter yet, but that didn’t stop me. It was like I could barely feel the harsh cold against my skin.

Mostly everyone had run to the lake once we arrived at the party only to run back out, but not me. It was dark enough that no one could see me as I started to walk farther into the water. The water was to my hips, and by now, the cold began to leave goose bumps against my upper body.

I closed my eyes, and I remembered the heat from the car burning, the heavy smoke that was in my lungs. I couldn’t breathe; it felt like I was drowning. My lids felt heavy, and my body was burning up now. I could hear the white noise as if a bomb had gone off. My dad was dead on impact, his head crushed against the asphalt. We were upside-down, and his window had been opened, leaving him exposed. The blood—God, the blood was everywhere. My mom was in no better shape. She was suspended from her belt, but there was still a lot of blood.

“Goddammit, Scarlett.”

I craned my neck to the side, and I saw shadows. I’d always seen one from whoever pulled me out, but this time it was two. I tried to look—maybe now I would finally understand why my dad lost control.

“Baby, please.”

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