Page 21 of For Three Seconds

Eight

Winter

The restof the semester passed rather quickly. A part of me was glad, but the part of me that was selfish hated it. It meant that my time alone with Gavin was coming to an end once the semester ended.

Gavin wasn’t the only one who pulled away. My best friend was more distant than ever. She drank more, hung out with her cheer squad, and if I stayed home and didn’t go to a party, she went without me.

Winter had come, and even though it wasn’t the first one without my parents, this one felt worse.

Last winter, I was still in shock. I was numbed to feeling because the pain was unbearable, and I glossed over the holidays.

This time I was wide-awake, and I saw everything that went around me. Holidays and grieving went hand in hand. A time of joy and cheer could feel so lonely when you had no one near.

I looked up from my homework and examined the cafeteria. I sat alone while everyone else was in groups. Dylan and Audrey were out sick, and until now, I never realized that other than Gigi, they were the only people I hung out with.

When I noticed Gigi walking through the doors, I sat up straighter. Relief washed through me. She didn’t have lunch with me, but she was my best friend, and I didn’t care that she felt distant; she was there for me when it mattered. When my parents’ funeral rolled around, Gigi lost it as much as I did. She’d stood by my side and cried with me.

“I’m so sorry, Scar. I’m so sorry.”Her pain had felt like it was my own, her voice breaking in agony—for me.

“Gigi.” I smiled at her as she got near me.

It had been so long since she ditched a class to see me.

Gigi turned to look at me, and she smiled. “Oh, Scar, hey, I forgot you had this lunch period.”

The smile I was sporting faded.

“Oh…I thought you came here to keep me company.” I waved my hand in the air, feeling like an idiot.

“I’ll be back. I just have to talk to Becca. She needs to tell me something,” Gigi explained.

I wanted to tell her that I needed her too. I needed her more than she could know.

“It’s cool,” I managed to say.

Gigi stood there, and for the first time in a long time, we were awkward.

“I’m allowed to have other friends, you know,” she said.

Ouch. Okay, yeah, that hurt. A lot.

“Just because you don’t socialize doesn’t mean I shouldn’t. I love you, Scarlett, but you’ve changed.”

No shit. My parents fucking died.

I didn’t say anything. Instead, I watched my best friend go.

After lunch, I went home. I couldn’t take it anymore. It was all too much—the constant pain, and the loneliness. Watching everyone go on with their lives while I stood back and observed them. I was so distraught that I didn’t notice Nick’s car was home. Fuck me; he would not be happy.

As soon as I walked through the door, he came out of his room. “What the hell, Scar? You’re supposed to be in school.”

“I’m not feeling well,” I replied in a monotone voice.

I was starting not to care.

My brother cursed, and then he walked up to me and hugged me so tight it was a miracle I could still breathe.

“You’re not doing this again; you’re not putting me through that anymore,” Nick ground out. “It’s not your fault Mom and Dad are gone.”

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