Page 54 of For Three Seconds

My therapist caught me off guard with that question.

“I never said I didn’t trust him,” I replied.

“Every time you talk about him, you sit straighter, your eyes get more alert. Does he make you uncomfortable?”

“No, he would never hurt me physically,” I said defensively.

Something seemed to cross over my shrink’s features. “You said physically. Has he hurt you in another way?”

The room was silent for a while because I didn’t know how to answer her question—hell, I didn’t want to answer it.

“Gavin used to be my best friend’s boyfriend,” I answered after a while.

Maybe she could help me make sense of what was going on.

“Was he mean to you while he went out with your best friend? Make you feel unwanted in the relationship? Was this after or before the deaths of your parents?”

I laughed without humor. “I don’t think this is important.”

“On the contrary, I think this is vital information.” She gave me a reassuring smile.

So I spent a half hour telling her about Gigi, Gavin, and me. About how he looked out for me, went out of his way to make me feel comfortable in his and Gigi’s relationship.

“If you liked Gavin, why did you tell him you didn’t?”

“Because my best friend liked him,” I replied in a condescending tone.

“But since she was your best friend, shouldn’t she have understood you two liked each other?”

“He moved, so that was a moot point.” I looked around the room to avoid looking at her.

“But he came back,” she said softly. “Why didn’t you tell Gigi then you liked him?”

“I didn’t think she liked him,” I replied honestly.

“Why didn’t you tell her about him once he confessed his feelings for you yet again?” My therapist’s tone got firmer.

I still couldn’t look at her. Why was she asking me this? The past was better left in the past, right?

“Did you have other friends?” she asked after I stayed quiet for a while.

“Not really. Gigi was the one everyone liked. She was the fun one; she always dragged me along to parties, and bonfires, birthdays. People gravitated toward her and stayed with me because I was just there. I’ve never been one to have many friends. I’m okay with it. I learned to be alone because even though Gigi and I were best friends, she was not like me; she loved talking to people, always friending everyone.”

Gigi was my best friend, but now that I thought back on it, I wasn’t hers.

“Would you say Gigi was selfish?”

I turned my head so I could look at my shrink, our gazes colliding.

When I didn’t answer, she kept going. “Do you think if Gigi knew that you liked the same boy as she did and he liked you, she would have turned everyone against you?”

“She was my best friend,” I said, not sure if I was trying to convince her or myself.

“If she was your best friend, wouldn’t she want the best for you?”

“She cared for me in her way. She…” I stopped talking because I was trying to find a point in time where Gigi put me first. Hell, even at my parents’ funeral she seemed to usemefor support.

“How did it make you feel when Gavin started to date your best friend?”

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