Page 2 of For Three Seconds

“Scar, baby, are you up?” Gavin asked.

I pretended to be asleep. He kissed my forehead, made sure that the cover was on my shoulders so I wouldn’t get cold from the morning breeze, then left the room.

As soon as the door closed, I picked up my discarded prom dress, and I left—not just Jordan’s house, but mine too. I didn’t want to see my best friend or her boyfriend again.

Gavin Dunn had always been between me and my best friend. She might not have known it, but I always had. And it all came down to me. This was my fault because, for three seconds, Gavin made me feel alive. He was the only one. I’d known it since I was twelve, confirmed it when I was sixteen, and now at eighteen, I ruined my life over it.

To understand how I got myself into a web of lies, I have to start from the beginning. I have to go back to Gigi’s twelfth birthday. It was a night that changed everything between the three of us.

* * *

Sometimes a kiss can tellyou more than words ever can.

One kiss has the power to make you forget, dream, wonder, and believe.

A kiss can make you happy when everything around you is falling apart. It shakes you to the very core and obliterates everything you thought to be true. One kiss has the power to cure your sadness.

But in my case, one kiss was all it took for me to be ruined for everyone else.

I was twelve years old at my best friend’s birthday party when it happened to me. Giuliana, Gigi for short, had a plan that day. It was our first party flying solo—and by flying solo, I mean Gigi’s parents were going to stay upstairs while we had the basement all to ourselves. We had chips, sodas, the iPod on deck, and the perfect plan to get Gavin Dunn to kiss Gigi in a game of spin the bottle.

We practiced the shit out of that bottle. I tried a gazillion scenarios just so that we could be sure Gigi’s bottle always landed on Gavin. We never took variables into account. Perfection can’t be achieved; nothing is ever guaranteed. That day at the party, Gigi’s hand wavered not a lot, just a little, but enough that the bottle landed on the boy after Gavin.

It sucked.

All that practicing, just so her first kiss could belong to someone else. She was horrified.

I didn’t care much about my first kiss; I figured, what the heck did it matter? It wasn’t like I even knew what love was. I just thought I would kiss more boys as I got older. My first wasn’t going to be all that special compared to that. My brother kissed a lot of girls, and he was in high school. So, this kiss didn’t mean much to me since I figured high school was where I was going to find the real joy of lip-locking.

When it was my turn, I spun the bottle, no calculation, no planning, and it landed on Gavin. It was just one kiss, right? Everyone’s eyes were on us, and I had two choices: balk out and be known as the girl who was too sissy to go through with one silly kiss, or kiss him. Gigi had kissed Dylan. She hadn’t balked out, so why should I? It was one lousy, stupid kiss.

We met halfway in the circle our friends had provided, and we both went for it. I wished I would have known that those three seconds would change my life forever.

On the first second, he put his hands on my nape and brought me closer to him.

On the second, his lips crushed mine—and oh my God, there had never been so much electricity circulating through my body. For the first time in my life, my belly fluttered—those elusive butterflies I’d always heard of finally decided thatnowwas the time to hatch.

On the third second, he pulled away, and I noticed things about him I never did before. He was Gigi’s crush, not mine, but for the first time, I saw him through her eyes— except it was my own eyes. I noticed how his hair was dark but not enough to be considered black. His eyes were not blue, but also not green; he had specks of both in them. It wasn’t fair that he had such pretty eyelashes, long and curled. His lips weren’t too big, but also not flat. They felt nice and cushiony.

When we went back to our seats, I was still on that three-second high. I didn’t notice the way Gigi was fuming, or that Gavin kept stealing glances my way. I was lost in my own little world, and I had no idea what kind of havoc I would unleash.

Replaying that kiss, I knew that although it was fresh, it had become my most favorite memory. Was this how Nick felt all the time?

After the first round, not everyone wanted to go again for fear they were going to kiss someone they didn’t want to. I wanted to take another go and see if those magical three seconds would happen with someone else, or if it was just with Gavin. I hoped they happened with someone else, because then that would mean I would get many more of those magical three seconds, and they wouldn’t be forbidden. Gigi was upset because her first kiss wasn’t with Gavin, and I was upset because I wasn’t going to find out if they belonged to someone else.

Life was so unfair.

Just as I was walking away, Gigi pulled me aside. “How was it, Scar?”

I heard the fear in her voice. Her big blue eyes were ready to shed tears if I said something that would hurt her. I loved Gigi; she was my best friend, the one person who always had my back. We’d been friends since kindergarten. I couldn’t tell her how I felt. She couldn’t know that, for three seconds, everything in my life made sense.

Instead, I looked at her and smiled. “Eh, it was just a kiss, Gigi. No big deal.”

She wasn’t able to hide her relief. Her face lit up with a smile, and her blue eyes started to sparkle.

“I hope it goes better for me; I’m trying again at Kim’s party.” She twirled a piece of her brown hair as she spoke.

I may have nodded, or I may have smiled, but I knew that I was dreading Kimberly’s party. What if I kissed someone else and I didn’t find my three seconds of happiness? Did I want to find out if it was a hit or miss?

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