Page 69 of Lawson

“No, you’ve got a look,” I say. “What is it you're not saying?”

Nash and Pax share a glance, and it's not the first time I've seen them do it anytime Blakely comes up.

A stab of something like jealousy pierces the center of my chest, and I have to rub at it because I'm so shocked by the sensation. I know there's no way Blakely has ever dated these two, but they seem to know something about her that I don't, and it's been nagging at me for months.

“Will you just tell me already?” I shake my head. “Is it because she's our skate coach? I get it. It's complicated. I didn't mean for it to happen. I'm not going to stop seeing her unless she sends me away. So you might as well lay it on me.”

“It's not that she's our skate coach,” Nash says. “Although that is a whole other layer of complicated that I don't think you're really acknowledging. It's just that?—”

Pax hits Nash with the back of his hand, cutting off whatever it was he was about to say.

“Look,” Pax says, flashing me an apologetic look. “I like you. Arrogant son of a bitch that you are, you're not the reckless, selfish player that the media painted you to be. But it's not our story to tell.”

The weight of those words kick me straight in the balls, but I take a deep breath to try to work around it.

“But thereisa story to tell,” I say, glancing between the two.

They both nod, but there’s nothing malicious or even regretful on either of their faces. So what the hell could they know about Blakely that she’d want to hide from me? Doesn’t she know I’m wild for her and there’s very little that will send me running?

I unpack the last thought a little, wondering if she really understands how much I truly care about her. This thing between us started as a wild and adventurous role-playing game as we pretended in front of her ex, but now it’s morphed into something more serious. I’m certain she feels and thinks the same, but if she’s still keeping secrets, maybe she isn’t there. I hate not knowing.

“Fuck,” I finally say, my shoulders dropping. “She doesn't trust me.” The cold words are out of my mouth before I can stop them and an accompanying sharp pain slices through me at the realization.

“That's not it,” Pax tries to assure me, but I'm already hopping aboard the pity party train with zero intentions of getting off of it.

“It's fine,” I say, waving him off as we continue looking around the shop.

My heart hurts as I’m currently looking for the perfect gift for a girl who doesn't trust me enough to tell me something that PaxandNash know, but I still want to find something that will make her smile.

“She trusts you guys enough to tell you something that I don't know. It's pretty obvious you two have earned it in a way I haven’t.” I blow out a breath, stopping to look at the jewelry case. “And that's fair,” I add. “She's known you two for what, three years now? She's only known me a handful of months. It makes sense.”

I'm trying to convince myself more than them, and I'm sure they can tell, but I don't really give a shit.

It doesn't make sense to me, only in the sense that we have shared an incredible amount of intimate details about each other…details that don't include every inch of her body that makes her whimper in delight.

I told her about my past, about growing up without a father, about my mother sacrificing everything so me and my sister could be where we are today. She’s one of the only people on earth besides my sister that knows I text my mom every day, multiple times a day, keeping up an ongoing conversation because I never want her to feel alone even when I’m states away.

Blakely is also one of the only women I've ever been able to bestillwith, to be silent and calm and content with, just watching a show or spending a quiet dinner at home. She knows that because I’ve told her. Because I’ve been honest with her.

And she’d shared so many grueling and vulnerable details about her ex to me, the hardships she endured, the trauma and toxicity she didn’t even realize she'd been experiencing until after getting away from it. She’s opened up to me about growing up without a mom, opened up to me in ways that sliced open my heart. She trusted me with those vulnerabilities and yet there’s still a piece of her I don’t know about?

“Did you two know her ex?” I ask, snagging a question from my racing thoughts as I study the jewelry before me. There’s an eclectic collection of vintage pieces plucked straight out of dusty antique shops and brought here to be resold.

There are rings with unique gemstones like alexandrite and color-changing garnets, and bracelets that could coil around Blakely’s arm with gold and silver, or necklaces with Victorian-looking lockets encrusted with sapphires, and pens and brooches and everything in between.

“Yeah, I met him several times,” Pax says, and he doesn't try to hide the disdain in his voice. “He'd meet up with us sometimes when we were all together as a group?—”

“You mean a group including you and your not-girlfriend who also happens to be our physical therapist?” Nash cuts him off, a shit-eating grin on his face.

“Yep, that about sums it up,” Pax fires back, rolling his eyes before focusing on me again. “I never liked the guy, and I told Monroe as much. She agreed with me, but Blakely was already in too deep. I never realized how bad it was until she finally came out and told us. I always knew he was a douchebag, I just didn't realize he was worse behind closed doors. He was such a prick. Always answering for her or saying she couldn't do something.”

I nod, because that much is on track with what I’ve seen and what Blakely has told me.

Again, this very recent and tumultuous past could be exactly the reason she hasn't fully opened up to me yet. And it’s selfish and downright juvenile of me to feel hurt over that fact. All I can do is keep proving to her with my actions that I’m somebody she can trust with her secrets.

That knowledge reinvigorates me with extra motivation, and I continue to scan the store with my friends in tow.

“Has that problem settled down?” Nash asks, clearly referring to the way her ex had been badgering her.

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