Page 73 of Wild Dreams

"I need to work. I'm the sheriff."

"We can run this place while you take some time off. You're allowed to have a life outside of work," Carol said as she bustled around my office, watering the plants that she'd placed in there.

"It's important for me to be seen as sheriff around town."

"Of course it is," Carol said, her lips pursed. "I didn't mean to imply otherwise. I just wanted to point out the change I've seen in you lately." Carol finished watering the plants, then headed toward the door where she paused. "I thought you met someone." With that parting shot, she walked out.

How could she have guessed that? Unless my inattention was that obvious to everyone around me. I couldn't afford to lose my focus. I had to run for reelection in a couple of years. I needed to be on top of my job and not let anyone down. The position wasn't a guarantee, and it came with a great deal of responsibility.

The next couple of weeks, I went to work earlier and stayed later. I hadn't reached out to Marigold. I didn't know what to say. Our relationship had run its course, but I couldn't bring myself to tell her that.

Whenever I thought about her, it hurt, so I tried to focus on work. I went on every call that I could. I volunteered for more hours, which was easy around the holidays. My officers wanted to be at home with their families. There were more activities for them to enjoy, and I didn't have a wife or kids.

Besides, Marigold hadn't reached out to me either. Maybe our relationship hadn't meant as much to her. It only solidified that I'd made the right decision.

If my coworkers kept a wide berth around me, they didn't say why. I felt grumpy and on edge. But it was probably all the caffeine, because I couldn't manage to get much sleep. Everytime I fell into bed, I remembered what it was like to sleep in Marigold's. How good it felt to hold her while she slept.

She'd never been to my house, so there were no memories of her here, but I still couldn't escape the ones in my head. It felt like her scent was permanently imbedded in my nose and the sound of her voice not far from my mind.

I avoided the theater. I was used to stopping by to check on the progress of their work, but I couldn't see Marigold's face. The disappointment. The hurt.

The issue with her parents only highlighted the kind of guy I couldn't be for her. I couldn't always be there when she needed me, and I wasn't going to make promises I couldn't keep.

Tonight was our book club at the library. I hadn't read the book. I was too busy to even crack the first page. Whenever I looked at the cover sitting on my nightstand, it reminded me of that first night at Marigold's house when we talked books and I fixed her bike.

It felt like the beginning of something amazing.

I kept my head down, avoiding the children's section. I took the elevator instead of the stairs to the top floor where I slipped into the room.

The guys were in a heated discussion over who actually killed the girl. I guessed it had something to do with the book I hadn't read. I grabbed a water bottle from a cooler in the room.

Eli sidled up next to me. "I'm surprised you're late. Isn't this your thing?"

I twisted off the cap and drank deeply, hoping the cool water would sooth my dry throat. I'd gotten a cold recently and couldn't seem to kick the cough. "I've been sick."

Eli raised a brow. "Not sick enough to stay home from work."

I winked at him. "Work stops for no one. You know that."

"I've actually been working a little less, delegating more to Oliver. Xander has even expressed an interest in taking on moreresponsibility. I'm not sure I believe that yet." Eli nodded toward Xander, who was joking about some snow bunnies he instructed recently in a lesson.

It was hard to see Xander as anything more than an irritating little brother who loved women. As long as I'd known him, he hadn't wanted to be serious about anything. "That's a tough one."

Eli touched my shoulder. "My point is that it's okay to take a break now and then. Life isn't work."

"You know this is what I've always wanted." To take over my father's position and make him and the town proud. I couldn't see how to do that without working and making that known to the community.

"Are you happy though?" Eli asked, and I wondered if Marigold told Scarlett about our relationship. I didn't think she would, but if she was hurting, she might have needed someone to talk to.

"I'm happy enough." I'd never planned for Marigold. She made me rethink everything, but that didn't mean that it was right. That I should pursue a relationship with her. Not when I had another path. I just needed some time to think about things. "This time of year is always busy. People are drinking more. Anxiety is high."

"Just make sure you're taking care of you." Eli fell silent for a few seconds, but I didn't feel the need to respond. I was taking care of myself, working hard, and trying to go to as many community events as I could.

Eli raised a brow. "We should probably get started."

I might have been the one who scouted the location for our little book club, but my heart wasn't in it tonight. Everything about it reminded me of Marigold and how I'd essentially walked away from her without a word. I hadn't intended to do that. I just felt this need to go to work with the excuse that I'd think aboutour relationship. But it was easier to push it to the back of my mind and keep working.

Someone always needed me, and it was easy to justify not having time to reach out to Marigold, especially when my head and my heart were all mixed up. My mind was a battle between the path I'd always thought I'd follow and this new one that Marigold represented. It was easier to fall back on old habits.

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