Page 19 of Under the Mistletoe

“I don’t get why you’d think they wouldn’t be.”

“I don’t know. I just got it in my head that...” She glanced up at me for a split second, then immediately looked away. “Never mind. It doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter,” I pushed. “Tell me.”

“Everyone always saw me as the dumb kid who drooled over you like a love-sick puppy, and they couldn’t have cared less about me or what I was doing. I looked like a fool. Then, I go off to college to prove myself but end up getting pregnant by the absolute worst jerk-face on the planet. It was humiliating. I didn’t want anyone to know, so I stayed gone and didn’t tell anyone what had happened. And I honestly didn’t think anyone would notice one way or another.”

“That’s a lot to unpack there.”

“Yeah, I know.” Her back stiffened as she wiped the last of her tears away. “I was wrong about them... It makes me wonder what else I’ve been wrong about.”

Beck

“I know of at least one thing you were wrong about.”

“Well, add it to the list.”

“I’m serious, Beck.”

“Okay, then what else have I been wrong about?”

“Feeling the need to prove yourself, for one. We all knew how smart and determined you were. There was no doubt that you were going to go off and do big things.”

“I don’t know about all that.”

“Well, I do. You’re amazing. You always have been.”

There was something about Torch’s expression that made me think that he was being completely sincere, and I had no idea how to take it. I could only stand there and listen as he continued, “And as far as the whole getting pregnant goes, it brought you Ava, and there is no reason to ever be embarrassed about her. She’s an amazing kid.”

“Yes, she is, and I never meant to imply otherwise. She’s my whole world. It was just a lot to take on back then, and I just didn’t want...” The lump in my throat started to choke me up as I tried to say, “I just didn’t want everyone to think I’d messed up again and chose the wrong guy again.”

“So, you let your pride get in the way.”

"Maybe.” I looked up at him and shrugged. “Yes. Yes, I did.”

“You were wrong about something else, you know?”

“Oh, yeah? What’s that?”

“I did care. I cared a hell of a lot. Still do.”

The seriousness of his tone and that longing look in his eyes caught me off-guard. I’d never thought he’d even noticed me, much less cared about me or what I was doing. The realization brought butterflies to my stomach, and they were doing a real number on me.

I needed to respond. I needed to say something, but I couldn’t think. I couldn’t speak. I just stood there, locked in my own prison of thoughts, as I stared at his mouth—which took my mind to a place it had no business going.

It took me a moment, but I finally managed to say, “I had no idea.”

“Didn’t figure you did.” He held my gaze as he said, “I just need to know one thing.”

“Okay? What?”

“Do you still feel the same?”

“What?”

“It’s a simple question, Beck. Do you or don’t you?”

I had no idea how to answer him, so I said, “It’s been seven years, Thomas.”

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