Page 88 of Cruel Promise

“We have a pool. You could go for a swim. It might do you good.”

After contemplating it for a moment, I decide she’s right. I need to move. Staying cooped up inside all day with a broken heart won’t get me anywhere.

I don’t even want to give Nikolai credit for my heart, but it’s the truth. I have weird, complicated feelings for him, and he stomped all over them.

The closet full of clothes Nikolai bought me includes a bathing suit. It’s a two piece, all black. Not surprising.

The pool is on the ground floor of the mansion. It’s inside and surrounded by beautiful windows that look out to Central Park. I take one look at it and know I’ll be all right. Maybe this place can be my safe space.

I dive into the pool and swim laps around it. I haven’t swum in years. When I was a child, my mom would take me to swim lessons—which my father actively avoided joining. He never participated when it came to things concerning me.

As I got older, my father would make inappropriate comments about my body and swimsuits. Usually, the swimsuits would be too “indecent” in his eyes, and he would find a way to shame me.

I stopped soon after.

It’s my first time swimming since then. It’s glorious. The water is warm but not too warm. The chlorine has that distinct smell that’s strangely comforting. I can just swim without havingto worry about my father. The more I swim, the more my thoughts fade away and I forget where I am. I forgot who I am.

And who I’m married to.

When Nikolai begins to invade my thoughts, I swim faster. How dare he say those things to me! I saved his life. For a moment on that night, he let me in.

And then he shut me out.

He doesn’t get the right to literally buy me, force me into a marriage, and then play with my emotions. I will not have it. I’m someone who got into Yale, for goodness’ sake’s. I need to be smarter than this.

If Nikolai can so easily push me away, I should be able to do the same to him.

I swim faster and faster and faster. The water fills my nose, but I know how to breathe. I know how to survive.

And then I come up for air.

The first thing I see are black shoes. When I look up, I see Nikolai standing there, looking down at me.

“What are you doing?” I ask, wiping water off my face.

“I could ask you the same thing.” His expression is unreadable. Of course, it is. He doesn’t know how to feel.

“I’m swimming.”

“I can see that.”

“What are you doing?”

“I was watching you,” he states. No shame in his voice. I wonder what that’s like.

“Why?”

“Because I can.”

I scoff and swim away from him. “You tell me nothing changed between us, and now, you’re watching me swim. You confuse me.”

“What’s confusing about it?” He sounds genuinely honest, which hurts more. I don’t want him to sound concerned. I want him to be the monster I know he is.

“I thought you didn’t want anything to do with me.”

“I never said that.”

“You implied it.”

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