Page 87 of Cruel Promise

“I don’t do dishes,” he says.

With a sigh, I set the plate in the sink and walk past Nikolai, who follows me.

“Ava, can I have a word?”

I turn to face him. “Yes?”

“I don’t want things to be … strange between us.”

“Strange?”

“Yes. After last night. What happened. It doesn’t change anything.”

“Change what?”

“Our marriage.”

His words hit me right in the gut. “Oh.” Soon, I’m blinking back tears.

“I only say that because I don’t want you to get your expectations up.”

“Expectations for what?” I snap. Did I think for a moment that last night would change things between us? Yes. Did I think that it could be a new starting point for us? Absolutely.

And here’s Nikolai, crushing that beneath his stern gaze that says so much yet says nothing at all.

He looks taken aback. “I just wanted to be clear on that.”

“It’s ok, Nikolai. You bought me, remember? We don’t have a real relationship. We never have.”And we never will.

“You are married to me, Ava. That part is still true.”

“I get it. You want me, but you don’t want to put in the effort to make things real. You know, Nikolai, if you really wanted me, you would act how a real husband is supposed to act.”

“And how is that?”

“With respect. With … love.”

“You think I love you?”

I flush and turn away from me. “No, of course not. I never thought that.” And I didn’t. I could never because I know what kind of man I’m married to.

Nikolai isn’t just someone who doesn’t feel love—he’s a monster, incapable of it.

“Ava,” he says, but I’m already walking away. I put myself out there to save him for god knows why. I tried with him.

But Nikolai only insists on keeping me out.

The days pass by slowly.

Nikolai and I keep our distance from each other. What I did—saving him—was too much. The more we ignore each other, the more I regret not going to New Haven. Why did I think saving Nikolai would be a good idea?

Mrs. Brown finds me on the couch, staring at the ceiling as I feel my brain cells leave me. I miss education. I miss learning. Sure, Nikolai has a large library I could use, but the library is his. It’s not mine.

None of this place is mine.

“Dear, why don’t you get out?” she asks.

“Out where? Nikolai will just find me and bring me back.”

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