Page 85 of Cruel Promise

“I understand.” I start to walk to the door, then stop. “Nikolai, I just have one more question. Why didn’t you want me in your room before? There’s nothing reallyinhere.”

“That’s exactly why. I don’t let people in, Ava. Ever. At least, not since …” He motions to his face. To his scar. “I wasn’t ready yet.”

“Are you ready now?”

There’s that small smile again. “You should go.”

Not surprising. He’s not ready, and I’m not sure if he’ll ever be. How can I accept Nikolai as my husband if he never opens up to me?

“You called me Nik,” he says as my hand touches the doorknob. I glance back at him. “Why did you call me Nik? No one calls me that.”

“It seemed right in the moment,” I answer honestly. “You know, you look nice when you smile. You should do it more often.” I hurry out of the room before he can say anything more. I’ve already put myself out there. Now, it’s Nikolai’s turn.

I close the door behind me and lean against it, breathing heavy. What just happened between us in there? The cold, stark wall between us melted a little.

I’m about to walk away when I hear it. Nikolai groaning in pain. I press my ear to the door and listen. It’s a violation of his privacy, but I think we’re past that.

The sounds coming out of him make the hairs on my body stand up. They’re cries. Screams. Groans and moans. He sounds more like a beast than a man.

What Nikolai went through with Maxim, I’ll never fully know unless he tells me, but it doesn’t take a genius to know it was bad. He’s holding onto a lot of things. So am I. I still haven’t been able to get my mom and what happened to her body off my mind.

We both have baggage.

His cries are scary and intimidating. They’re raw and wild. It’s like how I’ve felt since losing my mom, but I just haven’t been able to fully let it out yet.

As I listen to him cry, I feel closer to him than I ever have before. I don’t go in there and check on him. He wouldn’t appreciate it.

So, I just listen and silently let him know I’m here. I hope one day he’ll do the same for me.

Chapter

Twelve

NIKOLAI

Anton smiles down at me as he carves the knife into my face. I try to fight it, but the pain is immeasurable. Never before have I felt this weak. It hurts more than anything—the knowledge that I’m only a man. I’m supposed to be the great Nikolai Petrov, feared across New York City.

Instead, I’m just a man getting his face carved into like a fucking pumpkin.

I wake up in a cold sweat.

My body is sore and bruised everywhere from what Maxim did to me. I struggled to fall asleep on my back last night since Maxim cut into me there. He also cut into my chest, my arms, the sides of my body.

And when I dreamed, it was of Anton.

I haven’t thought about him in a long time, but ever since marrying Ava, he’s been in my thoughts more and more. I left him for dead. He’s not a problem. I’m past that.

And yet, I can’t shake him.

Walking to the bathroom is a struggle. I pride myself on being the strongest I can be, but right now, I’m not even close to that.

The worst part of it all was that Ava had to see me like this. Weak and pathetic. She even cleaned my own wounds for me. I’m a grown man, and I couldn’t do it. I’m a grown man and I’m having nightmares like a little kid. Fuck.

I lean against the bathroom counter, bowing my head. The sight of my scar only brings back Anton memories, and I would rather forget about him.

I take a long look down at my body. There are ten bandages strewn across my chest. And that’s not counting my back. Slowly, I peel one off that’s above my heart and look at the jagged cut. This is all Maxim’s fault, and I can’t even get my revenge because I promised Ava I would make peace.

Does she really have that much of a hold on me that she can sway my mind? Before her, I would’ve said no. That no woman or man would ever hold that much power over me.

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