Page 84 of Cruel Promise

I force myself to meet his gaze. This is a moment to be brave, not afraid. “How did you get your scar? You never told me.”

“I trusted someone, and they betrayed me. There’s not much else to say beyond that.”

“I think there is.”

“I wish you weren’t so smart and observant sometimes.”

“You want me dumb and vapid?” I ask.

“Not at all.” He presses his thumb against my hand, finding a pulse point. “Your heart is beating fast.”

“So is yours. Are you sure you’re not nervous?”

He smiles slightly. “Only a little.”

The look we share is intense and sweet and like nothing we’ve ever shared before. It would be so easy to lean in and let him kiss me. He kissed me once before, but it was so sudden and fast that I barely got to experience it.

I shouldn’t want to experience those things with him.

And yet I do.

But Nikolai pulls back, releasing my hands. “Stand up.”

“Why?”

“I want to see you again.”

It dawns on me what he’s doing. The moment we were sharing something real, he pulls back. He wants me to get vulnerable so he doesn’t have to.

It’s not fair at all. But that’s Nikolai and what I’ve come to expect.

So, I stand up and slip my dress off me because I know he wants to see my naked body. For some reason, I want him to see me. I want him to see all of me like I want to see all of him.

I keep my bra and underwear on because I can’t get too vulnerable with him. I could lose myself to Nikolai, and it would hurt too much if he never returned the favor.

He stands up, covered in his cuts and blood and scars. I hold still, even as he skims his fingers against my stomach, and suck in a quick breath.

I watch his fingers lightly move from my stomach, up between my breasts, to my upper chest. Not once does he touch my breasts or between my legs.

Finally, he places his hand over my heart. “It’s still beating fast. Maybe faster.”

“I know.”

He drops his hand and steps away from me. “I haven’t said it yet, but … thank you. For helping me.”

“You’re welcome.” I don’t say anything snarky. I don’t want him to feel bad for thanking me. I want Nikolai to open up to me.

Because the truth is: I’m in in this marriage now.

When I chose not to go to New Haven, I made my choice to be with Nikolai. Maybe I have Stockholm syndrome. I’m not sure. But it doesn’t matter. Nikolai is the devil I know, and I would rather have the devil I know than one I don’t.

Nikolai can and will protect me against other dangerous men.

The only question is—will he protect my heart? Right now, I can feel my heart aching for him in a way it never has before. He’s not even aware of that fact. If he knew, would he open up to me? Would he let me in?

“Did you need anything else?” I ask after a long moment of silence, slipping my dress back on.

“I just need to rest.”

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