Page 148 of Cruel Promise

She doesn’t say a word, so I turn to leave.

“Thank you,” she whispers.

I give her a nod in return.

AVA

Each day that passes, the ache within me grows. It’s getting to be a problem where I can’t even think when I’m at school. I can’t get Nikolai off my mind.

I love him. I know it. Maybe it’s crazy, and maybe it doesn’t make sense, but it’s how I feel. I’m drawn to him. I want to be around him.

I want to bewithhim.

But I don’t want to disappoint my mom.

“Honey?” she asks over dinner. “Are you ok? You look out of it.”

“Mmm?” I lower my fork. Barely any of my food has been eaten. Claude would be so upset with me. “I just have a lot on my mind.”

“School?”

I shrug.

“Nikolai?” she asks hesitantly.

I force myself to look at her. “I miss him, Mom.”

“Honey …”

“I know you think I shouldn’t. I know you think I should move on from him. But I can’t stop thinking about him almost dying in my arms. I didn’t want to lose him then, and I don’t want to lose him now. I’m worried the longer I stay away, he won’t want me.”

She makes a sound at the back of her throat. “Honey, he’ll still want you. He—he came by the other day.”

“What?”

“He wanted to let me know he would leave you alone. Both of us alone. But he just wanted me to know he wouldn’t hurt us.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because you’re right. I do want you to move on. But I can see it’s hurting you. I don’t want you to make my own mistakes.”

“Nikolai is not like my father.”

“Maybe not. But he’s not a good man.”

I sigh. My fork clatters to the plate. “He wasn’t. But now, he’s shown he’s capable of empathy and selflessness. He has goodness in him.”

“But is it enough?”

I consider her words. I know my mom just worries for me. We lost time with each other that we can never get back.

But she’s my mom. She’ll always be in my life, but she’s not my future.

Nik is.

“I love him,” I say. “And I haven’t told him that. He deserves to know how I feel. I know he’s not what you want for me. But I need to make my own decisions in life, starting with this.”

Her eyes water, and she waves her hand around her face to stop her tears. “Honey, I’m proud of you, you know? You’ve grown into such a beautiful, strong woman. I just want you to be safe.”

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