Page 145 of Cruel Promise

AVA

Claude’s funeral is a simple, small affair.

It consists of Edmund, Mrs. Brown, his parents, Nikolai, and me. My mom offered to come to help show her support, but I told her Nikolai would be there, and I could tell she felt uncomfortable with that idea. She still doesn’t like that he has a hold on me.

Planning Claude’s funeral wasn’t easy, especially when I had to tell his parents about his death. Edmund gave me their contact information.

When I reached out over the phone, I told them Claude had died as a hero saving my life. I expected them to resent me for it, but they were kind.

Now, we stand next to each other. Louis and Alice are crying on each other’s shoulders. I wish I could help them, but there’s nothing I can say or do that will change the fact that Claude is dead.

His casket is lowered into the ground, and the funeral officiant, a kind man name John, says a few words. “Claude was a son. He was a friend. He was a chef. He will be missed.”

Alice cries harder. My heart breaks for her. I can’t imagine losing a child. I know my mom can relate when she thought she lost me. She told me she went almost mad with fear and worry.

If I ever have children, I guess I’ll understand the weight of how much you can love them. But that’s assuming Nikolai and I have kids. My eyes flit over to him, standing a little way away from everyone else, resting on his cane. It makes him appear older than his thirty-one years.

His head is bowed to the earth so I can’t make out his expression. Things have been tense between us these past couple weeks while I’ve been planning Claude’s funeral. We haven’t had a true talk over what we’re going to do about our marriage.

I’m still not sure if I can stay with him despite my heart wanting to. But my brain knows that he lied to me. That he’s not a man I should love. My mom keeps telling me I need to move back in with her for good since I’ve been staying with her at her apartment.

I love my mom, and she’ll always be in my life. But is she my future? Or is Nikolai?

He glances up and catches me watching him. In true Nik fashion, he doesn’t look away. He holds my gaze, making me feel every emotion.

It becomes too much, and I have to avert my eyes back to Claude’s casket.

The guilt over Claude’s death is still with me, but planning his funeral has helped appease some of it. I’ll always probably feel some responsibility for his death. He did push me out of the way and got shot for it.

Anton is still out there. He hasn’t made himself known, and I have no idea what he’ll do in the future. If he’ll go back intothe shadows or attack again. I feel like I keep looking over my shoulder, and it’s become exhausting.

I’m tired, I realize. I just want to feel safe in this world.

When the service ends, I turn to Louis and Alice.

“I’m so sorry for his death,” I say. “He was a good man.”

Alice smiles. She looks a lot like Claude, not surprisingly. “You can tell the truth. Claude had an attitude. He wasn’t always nice.”

“Well, he saved me. He really did die a hero.”

Louis puts his hand on my arm. “It wasn’t your fault. That little man”—he pointed at Edmund— “told us what happened. How he took a bullet for you. It’s not your fault he died. And thank you for planning the funeral so we didn’t have to. You’re a good person.”

His words make tears form in my eyes. “Thank you.” Louis’s words help appease some of the guilt. I’ll probably always feel it, but this helped.

Louis and Alice walk away, clinging to each other. Healing from the loss of a child won’t be easy for them, but they have each other. They’re not alone like I am. Or like Nikolai is.

He limps over to me.

“How’s your leg?” I ask.

“Getting better every day. But I might always have a limp. Add that to my scar.”

I smile slightly. “That doesn’t change you. Your scar has never bothered me.”

“So, my limp wouldn’t either?”

“It doesn’t bother me, Nik,” I whisper.

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