Page 142 of Cruel Promise

She starts to object but Mrs. Brown tugs on her arm, pulling her away. After a beat, Mom relents. The way she’s looking at me hurts. It’s a look that says she doesn’t even recognize me.

I have changed. It was always pointless to think I could return to my life before Nikolai. He’s cemented his way into my heart, and there’s no changing that.

“Paramedics!” someone calls from upstairs.

“Down here!” Edmund replies.

Two paramedics arrive and take in the scene. They immediately get both Nik and Claude onto strollers.

“We’ve got a pulse,” one of them says about Nik.

I sag against Mrs. Brown in relief.

As for Claude …

The paramedics give him medicine to get his heart working again, but it doesn’t help. They try chest compressions. They try shocking his heart back into rhythm. Nothing. He’s gone.

“Time of death,” one of them says. “10:05 p.m.”

The sob that escapes Mrs. Brown will stick with me for the rest of my life.

The hospital waiting room is bland and neutral. It’s designed not to cause more stress for people, but for me, it just reminds me of Nikolai’s cold, empty house and how he might never return to it.

I never said this to him, but sometimes, I dream of adding color to his house. Of making it warm. Of making his house into a home.

Now, I might never be able to tell him this.

“Honey, do you need anything?” Mom asks. She’s sandwiched between Mrs. Brown and Edmund. They’re worried for their boss just like I’m worried for my husband.

“Mom, I love you, but please stop asking me that.”

“Sorry.”

Mrs. Brown stands up and pulls me to the side. “Be kind to your mother. She just got you back.”

“I’m scared my husband might die, Mrs. Brown. My mom understands.” That’s the truth. If anyone understands my emotions, it’s my mother. I know she doesn’t fully get why I loveNikolai, but she understands that I do, and she understands why I’m scared.

After pacing around the hospital waiting room for another hour, I finally slump into a seat. Mom sits down beside me.

“I remember the last time I was in a hospital like this. It was the day you were born.”

“Are you trying to distract me?” I ask.

“Is it working?”

“Maybe.”

“Of course, I had to give birth on my own. Your father was getting drunk, placing bets on whether you’d be a girl or a boy.”

“You waited until the birth to find out?”

“No. I knew. But I didn’t tell your father we were having a girl. I knew he’d be disappointed. I was hoping if he just got the chance to see you, he’d love you. I guess I was asking for too much.”

“You deserved so much more than him, Mom. You deserve the world.”

“So, do you. Which is why I don’t fully understand why you love this man, Ava. He bought you. He made a deal with your father for you. How can you—” She stops.

“Mom. I know it doesn’t make sense. But I’ve seen the good in Nik. He has it buried deep down, but he’s been bringing it out more and more.”

---