Page 120 of Cruel Promise

“Why?”

“I don’t have to explain myself to you.”

“Yes, you do. You owe me, and you know it. You said it yourself, Nik. You don’t think you deserve me. So, why is that?”

“Because I’m not a good man.”

“But why?”

“Because I was betrayed!” he shouts, making me snap my mouth shut. I wait for him to say more. After a long moment of him breathing deeply, he finally speaks. “I was betrayed, Ava. I had a second in command. His name was Anton. He’s the reason I have this scar.” He points at his face. “He’s not the reason I’m a bad man, but he is the reason I don’t trust anyone.”

“Even me?”

He takes a step closer. “Especially you.”

I gasp. “I don’t …”

“You make mefeelthings. You make me feel like I’ve awoken from a dark cave after years of being in it. And I can’t trust my feelings for you. I can’t trust if I’m doing the right thing or the wrong thing. All I know is that you are light, and I’m dark. I can’t open my heart up to you, Ava.”

“You’re worried I’ll break your heart,” I realize. “Nik …”

“Don’t. I don’t want your pity.”

“It’s not pity. I’m scared you’ll break my heart, too.”

Something flashes behind his eyes. “How? You don’t love me.”

“I was trying to,” I admit. “And then you pulled away.”

He cups my face. “Ava …”

I lean into his touch, feeling instantly better. He’s become my drug. I didn’t welcome him in, but he came over me, and now, I can’t get rid of him. I’ll always be drawn to Nikolai. There’s no fighting it.

“You don’t know everything,” he admits.

“Did you kill Jason?”

He goes very still. I wait for his reply, and he finally gives it. “I did.”

I suck in a gasp. “Nik.”

“I know you wouldn’t have approved. That’s why I kept it from you.”

“Why?”

“Because I want you to be mine, Ava. I know I say you’re mine time and again, but you’re not really because you need to choose to be mine. And how can you ever choose to be mine if you hate me?”

“I don’t hate you,” I say, my lips barely moving.

“You should.”

“You killed Jason,” I state. “And I don’t approve of that. But I can’t seem to hate you. Maybe I’m naive. Maybe I’m making a terrible mistake. But I don’t hate you, Nik.” I raise my hand and gently touch the scar on his cheek. “I don’t hate you even though I should.”

“You’re playing with fire.”

“Let me in. Just let me in.”

There’s a mutual exhalation of breath, and then we’re kissing each other.

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