Page 118 of Cruel Promise

His back tenses but doesn’t turn around to face me. Edmund has the good sense to leave the room.

“I just need to know …” I take in a deep breath and let it out. “You’ll still look for my mom’s body, yes? Find out who took her?”

Somehow, Nikolai’s shoulders tense even more. “Why would you ask that?”

“I just need to know you’ll still look for her. That you won’t hurt me because you’re all cold for some reason.”

Finally, he turns back to face me. “You think I would hurt you like that?”

“Honestly, Nikolai? Yes.”

I can tell my words hurt. Good. I want them to hurt. I want him to know how much I hurt when he left last night after I gave him all of me.

He opens his mouth then shuts it and nods, accepting that I’m right. “I’m still looking into it. You don’t need to worry about that.”

The panic around my heart eases a little. When I take a small step toward him, he catches it all with his gaze. “Why did you pull away?” I whisper.

He averts his eyes. “I need to get to work.”

“Just tell me. There has to be a reason.”

“I told you. I don’t deserve you.”

I scoff, crossing my arms. “You didn’t realize that until after you took my virginity?”

“I …” He sighs, shaking his head. “I could make a hundred excuses, but none of them would be right. All I can say, Ava, is … I’m sorry.” He walks out the door before I can get a word in.

Why would Nik be sorry? What does he have to be sorry for? To me, it felt like he was speaking of more than just last night.

What is he not telling me?

Nikolai has secrets that are burned into him. I need to find out what those are.

Edmund comes back into the room and offers me another smile. “How are you?”

“I’m not sure,” I confess. But I’m going to get to the bottom of Nikolai and his confusing emotions.

I’m going to crack my husband’s hard shell and see what’s underneath.

My mind is all over the place when I attend my classes. Learning new topics is one of my favorite things to do, and currently, my gothic literature class has a lot of compelling information on dark, brooding heroes and the women who love them.

I may not love Nikolai, but I know what it’s like to be drawn to a man who’s objectively bad for me.

My body remembers his touch. It’s ingrained within me. I also hate that I care so much about whether Nikolai likes me in return. I know he does to some degree. He just insists on pushing me away.

As I move about campus, a thought dawns on me. I haven’t seen Jason around in a week. We share a class, and he hasn’t been there. Maybe he’s just out with a cold.

But there’s a darker part of my brain that wonders if he’s not out with a cold at all but is cold in the ground.

Did Nikolai hurt him? Would he? Would he keep it from me if he did kill Jason?

And if I confronted him about it, would he tell me the truth?

I thought I was starting to understand Nikolai. From his scars to something in his past that caused him to shut off, but now, I’m not so sure. Nikolai is a Bratva man. He was molded in the darkness of the mob. Who knows what he would do to get rid of the competition?

The train ride back to New York feels like it takes forever. Usually, I would work on homework on my way home, but my mind is too distracted.

When I finally make it back home, I head straight for Nikolai’s office. He’s not home at the moment. But when I try the door, I find it locked. Why does he lock his office door—unless he’s keeping secrets?

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