Page 39 of Consume Me

“Yet, you still did.”

His entire body stiffens. I am losing him. He’s going to leave any moment. I know it.

He stands up, and my heart deflates. “I’m sorry I can’t give you what you deserve.”

Who cares about that? I just want him.

“It’s okay, Blake. You can’t force feelings.” I shrug to avoid appearing unaffected while swallowing the hurt.

His hand goes to his pocket, and it looks like he’s rubbing something there. “Sleep.”

“Can you?” I wish he’d climb in bed with me and wrap me in his muscular arms so the world around me would disappear until it’s just the two of us.

Nothing bad could touch me when he’s near me. Yet, at the same time, I want him to stay as far away from me as possible. I am the target. His father’s words were clear. I just wished I’d taken them seriously.

Knowing Blake, he’s laying the blame on his shoulders, but he never wanted me to comfort him.

“Don’t worry about me. I’m fine.”

I loathe that word. Fine is the opposite of good. Fine is when you give up on hoping you can be truly well and settle for being content.

He leans against the wall beside the window. While he looks outside, features drawn in concentration, I gaze at him, trying to get my fill, but it gets too much for my weak heart to take.

Closing my eyes, I turn on my side with a heavy weight pressing down on my chest. He won’t be here in the morning. He never stays. I should tell him to leave, but he never listens, and I have always been bad at denying him anything.

Ever since I met him, I was aware he had demons and I thought I could ease those. That came at the price of my heart, yet I know my body will be safe.

***

At the kitchen table, the anxiety ping-pongs around our group as everyone’s gaze shifts from me to Abigail.

“Guys, stop it. You’re freaking me out.”

“Sweetheart, I have no fucking clue why you’re this calm,” Dane says, body rippling with barely contained anger.

“You should be freaking out. They’re one step ahead of us, Abi,” Kaden says, leaning back.

“We know they’ll come for us,” Blake says. “We’ll just come and go in pairs. No one is going to be on their own until those fuckers are taken care of.”

“Classes and back here,” Kaden adds, brooking no argument.

“How are you?” Celine asks me, placing a hand on my shoulder.

“I don’t know,” I admit, realizing I might be in denial.

Blake groans and stands up, heading for the door.

“Hey, asshole, where do you think you’re going alone?” Kaden asks, standing up as well. He glances at Celine, who gives him a small nod, indicating it’s okay for him to leave with Blake. She mouths that she’ll go with us girls.

Hunter leaves for classes next, and Dane groans before rushing to kiss Abigail one more time. He calls after Hunter, telling him to wait.

“Dane didn’t sleep all night. I hate those worms,” Abigail says.

“I expected the room to catch fire. I thought flames would come out of his brain from so much thinking,” Celine sighs.

Seeing them exchanging worried looks pains me. My friends deserve all the happiness in the world. Knowing who’s responsible for their worry makes me wanna kill both of those assholes myself.

“They worry. It’s a challenging time,” Bailey gives.

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