Page 38 of Festive

The girls are safe, and that’s what matters.

Phantom is keeping watch over Kenna and Kinzley while I’m here, taking a moment to just… breathe. I rest my hands on my belly, feeling the slight movement of the baby boy growing inside me, and I close my eyes, trying to quiet the doubts that swirl around in my mind.

I left Six.

I left Houston.

I left everything I knew to come back here.

And now, sitting in this room, I wonder if I made the right choice.

I wonder if I’ll ever feel at peace again.

A soft knock on the door pulls me from my thoughts, and I glance up, my heart giving a little jolt when I see Avery peeking in. Her face lights up with a warm smile, her eyes full of understanding. “Hey, Thay. Mind if I come in?”

I manage a small smile, nodding. “Of course, Ave. Come on in.”

She steps inside, closing the door gently behind her before crossing the room and sitting down beside me on the bed. She’s quiet for a moment, her eyes searching my face. “How are you holding up? Really? Don’t bullshit me! I’ve known you for too long for you to try and play this off with an ‘I’m fine,’” she berates.

I let out a shaky breath, shrugging. “I don’t know. I’m… I’m trying. It’s just… everything feels so messed up right now. I keep wondering if I made the right choice. If I should’ve stayed and tried to work things out with Koda instead of running away.”

Avery reaches over, placing her hand over mine and giving it a gentle squeeze. “Thay, you’re not running away. You’re doing what you need to do for yourself and your kids. And that’s okay. Sometimes, we need to take a step back to see things clearly and for how they really are.”

I look down at our hands, tears welling up in my eyes. “I love him, Ave. I love him so fucking much. But I’m scared. I’m scared of what might happen if I stay. I’m scared that one day, the danger is going to catch up to us, and I’ll lose everything. I’m scared that he doesn’t see the risks the way I do. That he’s trying to change the way the club does things because of family history, but we all know that clubs only work one way.”

Avery’s face softens, and she nods, her eyes full of empathy. “I know, Thay. Loving someone like Six… it’s not easy. It’sneverbeen easy. Loving someone in this life, it’s a constant battle. Shotgun and I… we’ve had our rough patches. We’ve had moments where we weren’t sure if we’d make it. But we did. Because we love each other. And at the end of the day,that’swhat matters. If the love is there, then you’ll find a way to make it work.”

I wipe at my eyes, my chest tightening. “But what if it’s not enough? What if I can’t protect my kids, Ave? What if I can’t protect myself?”

Avery wraps her arm around my shoulders, pulling me into her side. “You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for, Thay. And you’re absolutely not alone. You have us. You have your family. And you have Koda. He’s not perfect… fuck, no one is. But he loves you. Andyoulove him. That’s a start. You’re allowed to be scared. You’re allowed to have doubts. Butdon’tlet that fear be the thing that drives you from whatyouwant.”

I lean into her, closing my eyes as the tears spill over. “I just… I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know how to make it work. Especially with Amber hanging around like a damn leach!”

Avery sighs, rubbing my back gently. “One step at a time. One day at a time. You’ll figure it out.”

I sniffle, nodding against her shoulder. “Thanks, Ave. I feel like I’m falling apart.”

Avery smiles, her voice gentle. “Oh, honey, you’re stronger than you think. I’ve seen you go through so much, and every time, you come out on the other side even stronger. You’re brave. You’re an amazing mother. And I know that you love Six, just like he loves you. You’ve both made mistakes, and that’s okay. But love is about fighting through the hard times. It’s about being scared and doing it anyway because it’s worth it.”

I nod, my tears flowing freely now, my chest tight with all the emotions that have been pent up for so long. “I just… I feel like I’ve lost myself in all of this. I don’t know who I am without the club, without Six.”

Avery shifts, turning to face me more fully, her expression serious but filled with compassion. “Thay, you’re not lost. You’re still you… an incredible, strong, tough-as-hell woman. You’re just in a rough patch right now. And that’s okay. You’ve had so much thrown at you, so much pressure to be everything for everyone, all the time at such a young age. But you’re allowed to take a step back. You’re allowed to need help. You’re allowed to be vulnerable.”

I look down, my hands trembling as I wipe at my eyes. “I just feel like I’ve let everyone down. Koda, the girls… myself. I promised to keep them safe and look where we ended up. It feels like I failed. I’m supposed to be the First Lady of Houston Defiance… what a fucking joke is that?”

Avery shakes her head firmly, her eyes locking onto mine. “You haven’t failed, Thay. You did what you needed to do to protect your girls. You made a hard choice, and that takes courage. You’re here because you love them, because you love Six, and you want what’s best for all of you. Sometimes, the strongest thing you can do is step away and take a breath. It doesn’t mean you’re giving up. It means you’re taking care of yourself so you can take care of them, take care of your club, like a good First Lady should do.”

I let out a shaky breath, feeling a slight weight lift from my chest at her words. “I just wish I could see the future, you know? I wish I knew that everything would be okay.”

Avery smiles softly, brushing a strand of hair away from my face. “I wish I could tell you that too. But none of us know what’s going to happen. We just have to take it day by day. And I promise you, whatever happens, you’re not alone. We’ll figure it out together. And Koda… he’ll be there when you’re ready. He’s hurting, too, you know. He loves you so much, Thay. He’s just trying to find his way, just like you are.”

I nod, my heart aching as I think about him. The image of his face—the way his eyes soften when he looks at me—floods my mind. “I miss him, Ave. I miss him so much. Even when I’m angry, even when I feel like I can’t breathe because of everything that’s happened… I still miss him. I still love him.”

Avery wraps her arms around me, pulling me into a tight hug. “I know you do. And he knows it too. It’s okay to miss him. It’s okay to be angry and love him at the same time. Relationships are messy. They’re not perfect. But that’s what makes them real.And your love for Koda… it’s real. It’s worth fighting for.”

I cling to her, the tears streaming down my face as I let myself feel all of it—the pain, the love, the fear, the hope. “I just want to be happy again. I want my family to be happy.”

Avery rubs my back soothingly. “You will be, Thay. I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but you will be. You’re taking the steps you need to get there. And we’re all here to help you.”

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