Page 26 of Not in My Book

Alexa was lying on top of my bed, her head hanging off the side, watching me hold up different shirts in front of my chest.

“So, tell me again how this isn’t really a date, because I’m not buying it.”

No one was. My group chat was blowing up with texts, mainly from Logan and Jess. Logan was convinced this was a date, but Jess was convinced Aiden was going to murder me by the end of the night.

Logan:this is the funniest possible outcome of the cowriting, i can’t believe we get to witness this for free

Jess:again, not for free

Tyler:Rosie, text us if you need us.

Jess:^^ who knows what weird shit aiden might be up to

Logan:oh pls we all know theyre going to fuck tonight

Jess:don’t be so crude

Logan:i’m not!!! but … rosie you have to let us know if he’s a freak in bed i bet he has a red room

Jess:he definitely has a sex swing at the very least

Tyler:What’s a sex swing?

Logan:i’ll send you some links

Tyler:Please don’t.

Jess:rosie at least send your location so we know where the body is in case he murders you

Logan:yeah that way we can all see when you get to his place

Jess:not going to happen logan

Logan:wow who knew none of you believed in the power of winter nights. it’s cold outside and its cuffing season and that makes people CRAZY HORNY

Jess:pls shut up

Tyler:^^

I let my phone buzz on my bed, not replying to the texts.

“It’s not a date, it’s homework,” I insisted to Alexa. That’s what I kept telling myself at least. If I didn’t repeat this in my head over and over, my mind would drift. I’d start to romanticize everything and read into details that weren’t even there, and then I’d fall in love with a version of Aiden I created in my head. It’d happened to me with Simon when I was fifteen and I didn’t snap out of it for almost a decade.

It had been a while since I’d been on a date. After Simon and I broke up, I said yes to every guy who asked me to get drinks. I was so eager to step into this pool of dating and get over Simon, but I quickly learned love could be a ruthless game. The guys would frown when I ordered something with a carb or refused to kiss them or go back to their place. One guy left in outrage after I said I wouldn’t Venmo him two hundred dollars because he was low on cash.

“Are you nervous?” Alexa sat up, resting against my headboard.

“A little,” I admitted.

“He’s not Simon, you know.”

Honestly, that’s what I was afraid of anytime I went out on a date. That I wouldn’t be able to read the signs and would fall for someone like Simon all over again.

I wanted the kind of love you treated gently, like it could break. The kind that was intense and real. The kind you foughtfor, not against. And maybe I was wrong and love like that didn’t exist. But I wanted to get as close as I could to that feeling.

“I know that.” I decided to wear a long sleeve maroon top with a sweetheart neckline and my black jeans. I put them on and turned around to show Alexa. “How do I look?”

She smiled. “You two are definitely going to fuck by the end of the night.”

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