Page 125 of Not in My Book

“So, I’ve got no chance?” He asked, raising a brow.

I swallowed. “None.”

“I find that hard to believe,” he said gently.

“Why? Because you know me so well?”

“Yeah, I do. You’re the most stubborn person I know, and if you didn’t want to hear me out, you wouldn’t be standing here in your front porch light, looking at me like that.”

“Like what? Like I want to gouge your eyes out?”

He smiled genuinely for the first time since we’d come out here. “There’s my Rosie.”

I turned away because I knew if I kept looking at his smile, I’d fold. And I wanted to. I wanted to throw my arms around him and leave it all in the past. But I couldn’t take another heartbreak.

“I’m not yours anymore.”

“Fine. If you’re not mine, then know that I’m yours. The minute I saw you, you had me hooked, and I never wanted you to let go. The entire time we were together all I could think was you were better than any dream, any piece of fiction I could ever write.” He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a stack of papers. “Just read them. Whenever you want to. If not today, tomorrow. If not tomorrow, then next week. If not next week, then know I’ll be waiting for you in New York to come home to me.”

I glanced at the papers between us, convincing myself I didn’t care. That I wouldn’t ever want to know the words he’d written to get me back. But the romantic in me couldn’t resist. Hesitantly, I took them from his grasp and relief flooded his entire demeanor.

“I’ll wait for you, Rosie, I swear it. I’m in it for the long haul. I want all your tomorrows. Every single one you’re willing to give me,” he said pleadingly. Almost like a promise.

I took a shaky breath, holding on tightly to the papers. I narrowed my eyes at him. “You can’t wait here while I read them. I want to be alone.”

“Of course,” he said immediately. “I’ll wait at the coffee shop you told me about. The one where the kid you were tutoring spilled coffee on you? The one where your best friend had six coffees your sophomore—”

“Honeybee. Yes. I know the place, Aiden.”

“Just trying to prove I listened to you.” The corners of his mouth lifted. He reached for me this time, his hands grabbing my arms, and this time I let him. “I’ll be there. I’ll be there all night.”

I nodded once and watched as he made his way to the rental car. The blue sky was already turning pink and orange.

“What if I don’t read until the middle of the night?” I called after him.

He glanced at me over his shoulder. “Then I’ll sleep in the back of my rental car.”

I smiled ruefully then turned away from me so he couldn’t see me. “Okay,” I said, voice thick. “Okay.”

I watched as he pulled out of my driveway, down the street, and into the sunset.

Part of me wanted to wait to read the chapters. To make him suffer like I was and to call him on his bluff. But I couldn’t resist.

I unfolded the pages and turned to the first page.

I lived a life waiting for the other shoe to drop. When life became too good, there were consequences. When my mom got successful, she got sick. When I finally felt settled into college, she died.

I walked on eggshells around Max, petrified that I would be the one to cause us to break. That something would inevitably mess up everything between us.

We had submitted our final presentation. The project drew us closer, but I was waiting for it to drive it us apart. Max was hoping this presentation would serve her well in her application for a promotion. She didn’t know that I was vying for that promotion, too. I wanted the promotion for different reasons than Maxine. I wanted a tangible way to prove to myself that if my mother were still here, she’d be proud of me. That she, and even my father, could see that I was living up to her legacy while making my own.

But after discovering Maxine’s motives for the promotion, the way it would change everything for her, I tried to back out. I spoke with our supervisor, but if I backed out now I jeopardized my reputation, and I couldn’t go through with that. I walked with that regret with every time Max spoke about the promotion, every time she hoped for it. We were supposed to find out soon, and I was dreading it.

We were meeting for dinner and the promotion was the last thing on my mind. I always felt a buzz of anticipation when I knew I’d be near her soon.

I spotted her walking toward me from across the street. Her eyes were hard, her mouth turned down in a frown. Something must be wrong because my Maxsmiled.

When she approached me, I couldn’t stop myself from wrapping her into a hug. My parents had never been affectionate growing up, even my mom. She’d lay a hand on my forehead if I was sick or hug me when I hurt, but that was about it. With Max, I found myself in a constant state of wanting my hands on her. In the middle of the night, if we drifted apart, I’d reach for her until we were pressed close together. It was impulsive, instinctual.

---