Page 2 of Sheltering Instinct

She couldn’t believe how this had unfolded. In a snap, the life she had projected out in front of her vanished like the hologram she’d always had the inkling it was. Some things were too good to be true.

But mostly, Tess’s tears fell because of what she was about to do to Levi.

She pressed against the wall for stability.

Shanti was no longer dancing and clapping. A look of confusion tightened her features. “What's happening right now?”

“I'm getting married,” was Tess’s monotone answer.

“Why do you look like that? Like you’re seeing a ghost. You should be joyful! You love Levi. You’re going to have such a wonderful life together.”

Tess licked her lips and scraped them between her teeth to keep her mouth from quivering as she shook her head.

Uncertainty waivered Shanti’s words. “That was Levi, right?”

“No,” Tess didn’t move her lips as she spoke. “That was Abraham.”

“Do I know Abraham?” Shanti thrust back, scowling. “Who is Abraham? What do you mean you love Abraham? You love Levi,” Shanti’s voice flashed to anger and disbelief. “Levi is the man you said lives in your bones. Levi is the man you said fills your dreams with hope and contentment. Levi is the one youpray for every day, and it’s his photo you kiss every night.Leviis the one you're going to marry. Everyone knows that.”

Shanti’s thinking that things worked out for the best, that love conquered all, came from a place of privilege, and was sandpaper scratching at Tess’s nerves; she wanted to shut this down. “Levi and I are not engaged. I’m engaged to Abraham. You’ve never met him. He lives in Ghana.”

There was a long pause before Shanti pulled her brows tight, making deep lines across her forehead. “Your dad was from Ghana, right?”

“Yes, I’ve known Abraham almost all my life. And I love him very deeply. It will be an honor to be his wife.” Tess’s body was made of cotton batting that was rolled tight enough to keep her upright despite her feeling boneless. The thickness padded her emotions to the point that Tess found herself without any sensation.

But quickly, the batting fibers gave way, and Tess collapsed to the floor.

Her tears hadn’t stopped rolling down her cheeks. They burned her.

Shanti sat down in the hallway facing Tess. “Hey.” And when Tess didn’t look up, she reached a hand to Tess’s knee. “Hey.” Shanti waited for Tess to look her in the eyes. “Can you tell me what's happening right now?” When Tess didn’t answer, Shanti raised her voice and commanded, “What’s happening? Is this a seizure? Tess,” she gripped Tess’s shoulders and spoke slowly and clearly, “Are you having a seizure? Why are you shaking like this?”

Tess scooted back until she could feel the cold surface of the wall through her sweatshirt.

She pulled her feet in toward her hips and wrapped her arms around her shins, lowering her head to her knees to contain the trembling in her limbs.

She remembered this sensation.

She was right back in the terror of life.

Shanti ran to her bedroom and came back with a blanket, wrapping Tess in its warmth. “I don’t know what’s happening right now. I need some words. I need you to tell me so I know what to do. Should I call 911? Do you need a hospital?”

Tess held her hand out, and Shanti grasped it. Kneeling next to Tess, Shanti changed her tone to the cooing sound someone might use to coax a puppy from under the shrubs. “When you can.”

“Abraham,” Tess managed.

“The man on the phone that asked you to marry him. Who is he? Is he threatening you?”

“No. No. I have known Abraham since I was a child. Eight. When I lived in Ghana. And I do love him deeply and decidedly. I would do anything for him. Of course I would.” Life was a vortex. As the centrifugal force of today dragged her away from her center, she was smashed against the sides of her reality.

“Youlivedin Ghana?” Shanti shook her head. “Wait, what?”

“My parents met at university. I was a surprise that didn’t stop them from pursuing their academic research. When they received a study grant, we moved to northern Ghana, where they were gathering data. We moved there when I was five.”

“For how long?” Shanti curled like Tess, her hands gripping her shins, her cheek resting on her knee.

“Until I was about to turn eleven. I have dual citizenship. My dad was Ghanaian, and my mom was American. They met at university and … I already said that.”

Shanti sipped air audibly into her nostrils and, even more quietly than before, whispered, “What happened in Ghana? Why do you love Abraham enough that you would do anything for him well over a decade later?”

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