Page 57 of In the Grey of Dawn

I'm so broken Lila, I need you.

Please, I need someone to save me.

Come back to me.

I want everyone to suffer in my misery, and drown in my darkness.

Standing toward the sun again, still covered by the early morning cloud. My chest is just so tight, I can't breathe, I just want to breathe. Crashing to my knees, I don't know if I have the strength to keep going anymore.

Can I continue to live like this?

Will I ever sacrifice enough in this lifetime so I see her again in the next? Sobbing to all the gods to save me …I just want someone to save me.

The wind has picked up and the ice cold breeze blows right through me, the light clothing I’m wearing doing nothing to stop the chill when suddenly I'm surrounded in warmth. I'm sheltered from the wind and when I open my eyes I'm blinded by sunlight, a glowing halo that's so intense it stops time and reasoning.

“Lila?”

Her name comes out in a whisper. I see her face in the light.

She's so beautiful.

She’s smiling so brightly …I'm at peace.

I feel her hand tugging mine, wrapping something around my knuckles and my pain eases. The burden I carry alleviates, and I can breathe a little easier.

My chest is lighter.

Her hand reaches out and holds my cheek, and I close my eyes letting her warmth envelop me. I knew she would come for me eventually and I relish in the comfort she brings me. The relief is almost overwhelming.

So when I open my eyes again and the light is no longer blinding me and Lila is no longer in front of me, the pain in my chest continues to dull as I realise Lila wasn't the one saving me.

It was Charlie.

Charlie, who came back for me. Charlie, whose touch ignited a fire within me andI knowthat Lila is okay with this. Okay with me not forgetting her, but letting me know there is enough room for the both of them. I don't have to stop loving one to be with the other. Her warm hand is still on my cheek, tears streaming down my face and I pull her into me.

Charlie.

Moye spaseniye[13]

My salvation.

I need to be closer, devour her, claw at her until she is all around me. Consume her soul so we are no longer individuals in this world but one spirit walking through life together. Her legs wrap around my waist as I collapse back onto freshly fallen snow. Sitting with her as I hold her as tight as possible. The rising sun grants us a new day, blessing us with the promise of forever, so I make a vow, here as I hold her, she's safe with me. Always safe, always protected. I won't fail again if I can just have her, love her in every way that I've wanted to love someone and have her love me with the same passion.

We both sense this thing that's between us and I feel like the weight of my past is no longer stopping me from having a future.

“Porter, it's okay. I'm here, it's okay, just breathe,” she says frazzled, trying to look at my face, but she's not close enough, I need her closer.

I can breathe when she's close.

I’m not sure how long we stay like this.

Together.

The sun is a little higher in the sky and the last snowstorm we were meant to have is all but gone.

Everything is quiet.

Calm.

---