Page 39 of In the Grey of Dawn

“He drowned in a bowl of soup. He was extremely paranoid after ... after what you did. He’d sent the staff home for the night. They think he had a stroke and drowned in the soup he was having for dinner.”

“Good. A pathetic death for a pathetic man.”

“We need to talk about what happened, there's a rumour going around that you missed one Pasha. That he's been tracking you down—”

“Are you two engaged?” I spit out.

“Stop cutting me off this is importa—”

“Are you two engaged!” I snap, ignoring everything he was trying to say.

That man was nothing but a poor excuse for everything a father should have been. I wasted enough of my life seeking his acceptance so I'm not giving him a second more than I need to.

What matters now is whether or not my brother is going to survive these next few minutes. I have no doubt he's learnt a few tricks since we last sparred but this fury I'm feeling. This rage. I won't be able to hold it back if another thing of mine has been taken from me.

“Porter?” A small warm hand touches my forearm and like a lighthouse in a storm, my anger fades, my world calms and all I can see is her.

Charlie.

“Can I explain?” she says calmly to me, glancing over at Dimitriy for a moment and frowning at him.

Leaning down, I pick her up from her thighs. Her legs wrap around my waist as I carry her away from my brother to the end of the bar. To the unassuming spot we made that is just ours. Placing her on the bar top, I don't move from her.

I can't.

I need her touching me, centering my existence.

Reaching up I gently touch her throat, pressing my fingers in sightly until I feel the life force pulsing through her.

She's real.

She's mine.

“Tell me.”

My voice so low only the two of us can hear it. Snuggling into her neck I keep one eye on my brother through the mirror behind the bar as she tells me of how her and Dimitriy became friends, their kiss and reassures me that it will never be more than a brother, sister type relationship.

“His life. Your life. That world doesn't scare me, Porter,” she says, holding on to me. “It didn't scare me then and it doesn't scare me now, even though you've not said anything to me aboutit. I know something happened. Something life changing for you. But you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to. Someday, I hope you trust me enough to let me in and know that it won't change how I think of you. That I’ll still want you.”

She's so sincere in her words that I can't quite believe I’ve been granted this second chance. That I would meet someone who would be so patient with me.

“Thank you, for telling me everything. The person I was back then has gone. I died along with ... when she ... I'm not that person anymore. I'm Porter, a small town bar owner. That's who I want you to see when you look at me, that's who I am now.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“We're only at the start, Porter. We have as much time as we want to be together so if I have to wait, that's okay. I’ve had things happen in my life too and if you were suddenly demanding things of me I wouldn't like it. I don't want to push you away in trying to get close to you.”

Holy fuck.

How is this even a reality for me right now? This woman is everything. Understanding, kind, respectful. I can't help but lean into her, press my face to her neck and feel her warmth invade me.

Centre me.

“I'm still trying to figure things out in my head. I never thought I'd be in this position again, but I lost someone and it broke me. I don't know if I'm on the other side of that yet,” I say, looking at her.

I don’t know if I will crumble or detach from her in trying to give her something to hold on to. I'm the strong guy, the impenetrable guy, so even letting this small amount of my past out … to say it out loud is borderline too much for me.

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