Page 18 of In the Grey of Dawn

“I've been a little down over the whole Porter thing,” I sigh. “I felt there was something there and it's hard to accept he just doesn't want me.”

Taking a deep breath I try to keep my emotions in check. “Mila said she would tell me a secret about him if I got her corn chips. She didn't need to bribe me, I would have gotten them for her regardless but it made her smile. I just can’t figure out what sort of secret it is. I’m curious is all.”

They look at each other again and I swear Nova winces a little.

“Oh my gods, he has a family and I'm the other woman!” I say, throwing my hands up in the air.

“What? No. Is that what you heard?” Ace says.

“Does he have three ball sacks and is self-conscious about it? I know he doesn't have kids and it's not like he has many hobbies. He's at the bar all the time. I just can't figure out what the worst case scenario for me would be. How much can I overlook and still want him?”

Feeling a bit glum, these are the moments I wish my mum was still around so I could ask her advice. My dad did the best job he could with me and my brothers, but I always wondered what it would be like to have that person who loves you like only a mother can. I often wonder if I would have been any different if she had been in my life or if I always would have turned out like this. For as long as I can remember my dad has said I have her spirit and tenacity, but could I have been a softer version of myself if I had a strong female figure to raise me?

“How about we follow you back to the house and see what the big secret is that Mila is going to tell you. I'm sure it's nothing bad,” Ace says, giving my shoulder a pat, a small frown appearing when he looks at Nova.

???

Arriving at Ace's house with more food than I can eat by myself, I park by the front door and move to start lugging the bags of corn chips inside when Dante comes out to help me.

“What's everyone doing back here?” he asks, looking at Ace and Nova as they get out of his truck. With all of us taking two bags each we manage to bring all of the food inside in one go and start putting it away.

“Mila told Charlie she would tell her a secret about Porter if she got her corn chips, and we want to know what the secretis,” says Ace, who is now looking a little sheepish. Immediately Dante raises his eyebrows and looks at me and then back at them.

“Oh.”

Stepping toward him, I can't help but lower my voice and say, “What do you mean,oh. Does everyone know this secret about the guy I like but me? He better be a bloody astronaut who rescues babies on the weekends because I'm seriously peeved that you all know something about him and haven't said anything for over SIX MONTHS!” I practically screech at them. At least they all have the decency to look a little uncomfortable.

The soft tread on the staircase reveals a sleepy looking Mila, rubbing her eyes as she makes her way into the kitchen. Dante quickly walks over to her, taking his jumper off and putting it over her head attempting to pick her up to carry her before she swats him away.

“Stop it, I feel okay at the moment. Maybe the medications are finally working?” She says looking up at him hopefully, “Maybe the worst is over?”

Ignoring the rest of us she walks straight to the mountain of corn chips piled on the kitchen bench and wiggles her fingers in excitement. I swear I hear her mumblegimmieas she tears a packet open and starts eating them. Loud groans of satisfaction surround us as she dips each chip in sour cream before taking a bite.

“This is better than sex,” she sighs, the look of pure desire on her face as she lovingly stares at the corn triangle coated in so much processed cheese flavour it's almost a fluorescent orange. At this admission, Dante chokes on the coffee he was sipping, Ace, taking significant pleasure in whacking him on the back a couple of times.

“I need focus here people. Mila, I love you and I don't want to break up this intense affair you're having at the moment but I need to know the thing about Porter, preferably before you've run away with that packet of corn chips to start your new life together.”

I feel so needy all of a sudden. Is this the moment reality comes crashing down for me and I'm reminded why I don'tdo feelings.

“This lot have built up, who knows how many different scenarios in my head. I was curious before but now I’m just annoyed.” I say, waving my hands in the air,

“Sunshine,” Dante growls, as he moves to stand behind her, pulling her against him. It's a move where I'm not sure if he's angry that she's spilling secrets or if he's worried she's actually going to run away with the corn chips but regardless, I'm not having it.

“Listen here big guy, this is happening okay. Whatever this secret is, I can handle it and she has promised to tell me or else I'm not getting her thick socks when she wants them, so she h—”

“He's in the Mafia. Well, hewasin the mafia,” Mila says, her focus still on what she's eating.

“Oh is that all … HE'S JUST IN THE MAFIA!” Processing this new information, I can feel the panic rising over what this means and how it changes everything.

“Hewasin the mafia. He’s not anymore, at least I don’t think he is. I think it’s okay for him to want to start again. Everyone deserves a fresh start,” she says, looking up at Dante. They share a secret conversation as he gazes down at her, pure love and devotion in his eyes.

“Wait, hewasin the mafia? So he left it? He doesn’t act like the mafia guys I know so when you put it like that, Iguessthat's fine. My friend’s in the mafia so I'll see if he knows him.”

The relief is overwhelming as I realise this is something I can handle, something I can work with.

“You know someone in the mafia?” Dante growls.

“He’s just a friend, not a big deal,” I say, shrugging my shoulders. He has a tendency to make a big deal of things, but my friendship with Dimi is not the issue here.

---