Page 38 of In the Grey of Dawn

Without thinking I stalk toward them, my teeth bared to the man, a low growl coming from my mouth. A faint glint from the man's eyes are visible through the gaps in her hair as he watches me come closer towards them. I can hear Charlie talking muffled words as he holds her tight. It's only as I get closer I’m able to take stock of him sitting on a bar stool, pressing himself against what's mine. Wool coat, black brogue dress shoes with a mirror shine and the gold ring on his pinky finger from when we played gangsters as kids.

Pressing my knife against his neck, just under his jaw bone I take a deep breath as I feel the cold metal of his gun against my side. I expect nothing less from him, almost proud of the man he had to become.

“You shouldn't be here,” I say to him. To my past. “You were never meant to find me.”

Charlie tries to pull her head away but he holds onto her.

Bastard.

“Don't move, sweetness,” he whispers, “My brother has a knife to my throat and I don't want you getting hurt.”

Gasping, she tries to push away from him again, no doubt picking up on the wordbrother. I’m forced to pull my knife from his jaw because even though we’re in the middle of a fucked up family reunion, I don’t want to accidentally hurt her. Yanking her back to me, I try to pull her as far away from him as I can.

“What the fuck is going on,” she yells, her eyes darting between the two of us, taking another step away, she comprehends what’s happening.

“Dimitriy,” I growl at the man sitting in front of me. One who should have stayed in my past.

My little brother.

“Ya skuchal po tebe, starshiy brat[5],” he says, as a wave of sadness comes over me for everything we lost. We were once inseparable, and now we’re both shells of the men we were. I don't know if it's possible to condense everything I felt over these past years.

I missed him too.

Every day.

Lila wasn't the only person I lost when she died. My whole world crumbled and my little brother was a casualty of it.

“What's going on? Dimi? Porter? Someone tell me what the fuck is happening and PUT YOUR GODS DAMN WEAPONS ON THE GROUND!” Charlie yells.

“Yesli ty prichinish' yey bol', ya ub'yu tebya[6],” I say back to him.

“Nikogda[7].”

He spits the word at me like I offendedhimwith my threat.

“AND CAN YOU SPEAK GODS DAMN ENGLISH SO I CAN UNDERSTAND YOU. It feels like you're talking about me and I hate it.”

“She's not a pawn in some game Dimitriy. If you hurt her—”

“I wouldn't have asked her to marry me if she was a pawn,brother. A lot has changed since we last talked. Our world is not like you remember it. Dad died, there is a war coming.”

For a moment I see the weight of the world on top of his shoulders, the small dip in them giving away his true feelings.

“You asked her to marry you?” I growl.

A fire raging inside me at the thought of losing her.

A small gasp comes from Charlie, “Wait, your dad died? Dimi I’m sorry. I know there was tension but he was still your dad.”

She tries to pull away from me to go to him but I’m not convinced of anything right now and I can’t, with absolute certainty, rule out that he’s not here for something else.

“Of course, that's your takeaway from what I said. Dad died, Pasha. I'm in charge now and I've been making a few changes. I won't live like him. The choices he made, what happene—”

“I have no father.WENEVER HAD A FATHER!” I shout, frustrated that he's suddenly bringing him up.

After all these years the last thing I want to do is think about that man. He was a tyrant, a dictator. A man-child playing games with real people.

“Did he suffer? Did he get the death he deserved at least,” I can't help but ask, wondering if someone else was able to do the one thing I chose not to.

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