Page 44 of In the Cover of Darkness

I don't even know where to start. My head is swimming in a million different thoughts of what I need to say to her. The onlything I do know is that I just need her all to myself right now, and I'll be damned if I let Sam get in my way.

I don't answer her because I can't answer her, at least not yet. So we drive in silence, and for the 20 minutes it takes for us to get to the lookout on the edge of town, she just sits there calmly. I could be leading her to her death, and she seems more than content with the erratic behaviour I've shown tonight.

Pulling into the car park, I make sure the truck bed is facing the view. Even in the dark, there is still something to see when the moon shines bright. As soon as we stop moving she gets out of the truck and I still can't get a read on her.

Resting my head on the steering wheel I try to collect my thoughts but nothing sticks out as a good place to start; knowing I can't sit here forever, I make a move to join her outside, grabbing my jacket in case she's cold.

“Mila … I … I—”

“Are you ending this? Whatever this thing is that we’re doing together. Is that why you’ve brought me here?” she whispers, I almost can't hear the words because her voice is so soft.

“What? No … damn it.”

This doesn't make sense right now. She thinks I'm ending this? Ending us? Nothing about tonight is working out and I feel like I'm losing a handle on everything.

“FUCK,” I scream out to the valley below. I'm so worked up I'm shaking. I'm not angry or sad, I just can't seem to find a place to start. Turning to face her, I find one thing has remained the same because as usual, my sunshine has done the opposite of what I thought she would do. She hasn't returned to the truck from my outburst but is leaning against it, staring at me, waiting for me to do whatever it is that I brought her here to do.

Closing the distance between us, I take her face gently in my hands and hold her gaze.

“Baby, I want you. I want us. I want everything that is happening between us and I don't know if I can wait anymore. Seeing you tonight, knowing there's someone else. I just … I just don't know if I can handle there not being an us in the end.”

Gently, she runs her hands across my arms and down to my waist, pulling on my shirt so our hips are pressed against each other.

“I guess, I was going to talk to you later tonight about this. About us, and … Wait, did you say there was someone else?” she shoves me away.

“Are you seeing someone else?” she looks at me, her eyes glistening with tears ready to fall.

“AmIseeing someone? What are you talking about?You'rethe one seeing someone else,” I say, angry at the accusation.

“What areyoutalking about? Who am I meant to be seeing Dante? I'm with you all the time,” she yells, coming right up to me and poking me in the chest. If I wasn't so angry I'd be proud of how my sunshine is standing up for herself.

“I want to be with you and you're trying to tell me there's someone else.”

I take hold of her wrist, pulling the hand she's using to poke me away.

Defeated, I try to make sense of what she's saying.

“You want to be with me? But what about Sam?”

“Sam! You think I'm seeing SAM?” she almost shrieks, “I’m teaching him how to cook Dante. I'vebeenteaching him how to cook. I told you this and you said you trusted me.”

“But your note? You told him to call you any time?”

I already know I'm wrong, that I'm grasping at nothing. My own insecurities helping me self-sabotage whatever it was that we could have had together.

“He was panicking because he was going to roast a chicken for his date with Olivia. I've been teaching him how to cook so he can impressOlivia! What is going on here Dante? Are you jealous over a roast chicken? Because that's what I’m hearing. If you want to be with me then you need to trust me. If you can't trust me then why are we here? I won't be with someone who doesn't want me, Dante. I'm not going to convince you to choose me. I am enough, okay! I'm enough, just as I am, and if that isn't going to work for you then take me home and I'll go stay with Nova.”

She's breathing heavily now. Each of her words hits me like a slap to the face. I’ve fucked up and I’ve fucked up bad. Running my hand through my hair, I have about three seconds before this all falls apart for me and I've lost her forever.

“Can I touch you? I don't want to hold your hand right now Mila, I want to hold you properly.”

Nodding at me in agreement, looking downcast, she softly says, “You can touch me, Dante. Whenever and however you want, right up until I ask you to stop. Just don’t break my heart. I don't think I could sur—”

That's all I need to hear before I swiftly pick her up and kiss her. I put all of myself into it, trying to tell her everything I want to without words. She moves and wraps her legs around my waist as I walk us toward the truck, pushing her against it so she's pinned.

Pulling back slightly, panting from the intensity of our kiss, I need to lay it all out for her.

"Can we please forget everything that happened in the past couple of hours? I'm sorry Mila. I was jealous. Fuck, Iamjealousof anyone who gets time with you. I want to be selfish and have you all to myself. I saw you with Sam tonight, and I guess I saw what I wanted to see. I owe you more than that, baby, and I should have given you the respect to trust what you were doing and what we have. I promise I'll do better, I'll try harder for you because I only want you. You're it for me. Endgame. You're more than enough, and I never want to try and change you. You're perfect exactly as you are and I can only hope to be good enough for you because I don't think I am, but I want to be. I want to be your safe place in this world. I want us to be forever.”

---