Page 83 of Dissension

Kara gasps in pain, flinching.

Nick lets her go immediately, looking haunted. Eyes, wide with dismay. “What did he do to you?”

Dieter. Pain slices her like a thousand thin papercuts.

“You’ve always known.” It’s hard to keep her voice from wavering. “You’ve known what he is. And you tried to warn me.” A crack in her tone, ugly and raw. Regret is a wound, oozing and seeping into her heart. “And Ineverlistened to you. It’s all my fault, I did this to myself.”

“Don’t say that. Youdidn’tdo this to yourself.” Those tropical, electric blue eyes sharpen on her face. He takes in her bloodshot eyes, the darkness lingering there. Inhaling long and slow, Nick exhales, looking away. “He finally played a bad hand. I never wanted you to be mixed up with him. Dieter never misses achance to interfere with my life. I just hoped he wouldn’t…not to you. He plays games with everyone.”

She doesn’t intend to tell him about what happened. There’s no need. “You didn’t want me digging, because you were afraid Dieter was behind it.” He hadn’t been trying to screw her; he’d been trying to save her. Kara feels even worse.

His face is grim, bitter. “Things were lining up. And I already know there’s no way to get Paxton free of this. It’s too late. But nothing was worse than you telling me you’d figured something out…and then I couldn’t get a hold of you anymore. And I couldn’t be sure if you were just cutting me out of your life like you said you would…or if something happened.”

Stepping over to her again, he gently placed his hands on her arms, pulling her close. “Is this okay?”

“Be gentle,” Kara whispers as she presses her ear against his heart. “I’m injured.”

A growl rumbles in his chest.

“I’ve got bad luck when it comes to men,” Kara says bitterly. “I always resented you for making me enjoy things I felt I shouldn’t want…but Dieter? He takes the prize for terrible.”

“Do I even want to know?” Nick sounds bitter because the idea of her with Dieter probably stings. A fresh wound with salt still present.

“Absolutely not.” She can almost feel the ache of the cane slamming into her back repeatedly. Something cracks inside of her. The idea of being vulnerable in front of this man…it scares her even as it feels like something sheneedsto do. “He twisted me up inside. He made me feel things I didn’t want to feel for anyone. And he’sa monster.” Her voice cracks. Kara presses her face into his chest, wanting to hide from her shame. “I’m disgusted with myself. What does it say about me, that I could be with someone likethat?”

Silence falls over them. Nick slowly walks her over to her couch, helping her sit down gallantly. He’s always had those wonderful practiced manners, displaying them at the oddest of times. “May I sit by you?”

He’s asking her permission and that… makes her heart hurt worse. They’ve come such a long way from what they once were. Once upon a time, they didn’t meet up and talk. Once upon a time, Kara feared him and hated him. Once upon a time, there was only dark lust. Now, there’sunderstanding.

Kara nods her consent, feeling the warmth of his body as he sits down next to her. His thigh brushes hers, making her nerves tingle.

“It says nothing about you,” Nick tells her quietly as he strokes her hair. “People fall in love with monsters all the time. Sometimes, monsters can change. Sometimes, they can’t. It isn’t a reflection of you. I’m a monster-”

“You’re not a monster, Nick.” Kara tells him, holding one of his hands in hers. “You’ve done bad things. Bad things to others.Bad things to me. Things you shouldn’t have done, but you acknowledge that. You don’twantto be the boogeyman.”

Nick is looking at her furniture, probably judging its low value. Kara isn’t in the mood to feel self-conscious about the quality of her environment. He can probably see the dust on her end tables. Okay, that’s a bit embarrassing.

He flips over their entwined hands, looking at the lines of her palm. He traces them, tickling her skin, making her nerves tingle pleasantly. Nick’s voice is distant. “You always kept me at a distance, the way you never did with him. I was so jealous of how easily he could make you smile at him. I never could figure out how to fix that.”

Giving him a glower, Kara says, “Because you’reengaged. That's what needsfixing.”

“Except I’m not.”

That stray dog named hope raises its head in Kara’s chest. Wounded, but hopeful. “What do you mean? Is it true?”

“Claire and I.” He swallows thickly, preparing himself. “We broke off the engagement. I’m not engaged anymore, Kara. I wanted you more than I wanted whatever that farse of a marriage entailed. I thought about our last meeting. About what you said. How I shouldn’t allow my mother to keep owning my life.”

The words fall like heavy stones, crashing to the floor. Kara stares at him in shock, unsure if she’s still in reality. He did that for her? To be with her again? Gave up the family power, ruined his-

“What about your mother?” Kara whispers in horror. She hates that awful bitch and she’s never even met her. She never wants to meet Delphine Havenwood-Calais, because if she does, Kara is certain that she will do terrible things that will land her in jail.

He looks grim. “Displeased, as ever. I don’t live up to her standards as a son.”

“Why though?” Her eyes burn with unshed tears. “Why would you give that all up when I’ve been nothing but difficult and-”

Nick’s stony features are unreadable, but his eyes aren’t shadowed. “Being with Claire was never going to make me happy for reasons you understand very well. It took me time, but I realized that if this meant you and I couldn’t be together ever again, it wasn’t worth it. I told my mother I was done trying to be what she wanted. Done being a pawn on her chessboard. I’ve moved on with my life.”

Kara clutches both of his large hands, trembling with something that must be happiness. This can’t be real. This can’t be true. But it is, she sees it clear as day on his face. HechoseKara. “No. You’re movingforward. Freely.” She gives him a small smile. “I’m proud of you.”

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