Page 24 of Dissension

Kara looks around awkwardly, knowing they’ve caught the attention of the sales reps in the store. Has this woman lost her mind? She drops her voice into a forced whisper. “No, as in I won’t be with him again. I don’t want to be with an engaged man. Do I need to spell it out? Christ!”

To her everlasting credit, Claire seems completely flabbergasted by this. She’s staring at Kara as if she’s grown another head. “Why ever not? Do you not want him anymore? He’s not bad to look at, what’s the problem?”

Flushing scarlet, Kara turns away and hunches her shoulders, trying to not think of his startling eyes and his stone cut features, the strength of his body. All clear in her mind. Growling in frustration, Kara storms out of the store, saying, “That’s…not the point, Claire!”

“Hey!” Claire calls after her, cursing under her breath. She has one last purse to buy before she leaves and this is putting a cramp in her style.

Fuming, and embarrassed, Kara sits down on a lonely bench outside the shop. She sits and waits, trying to get her mind back together. Nick’s fiancée literally asked her to take him back. Who in their right mind does that?!

It hurts. It still hurts to think about him. How he’d lied. How he always made herfeel.

Minutes later, Claire sits down next to her, holding her bags. They sit in relative silence until Claire sighs audibly. “I just wanthim to be happy, you know. Is that so bad? He and I aren’t…we were never meant to have a normal marriage. That’s not how it works in families like ours.”

“Why can’t he just be happy with you?” Kara mutters with vexation, even though it feels like a knife wound, saying the words. She doesn’t want him to be happy with someone else; she never wanted that. Kara wanted Nick to be happy with her and her alone. Look how well that turned out.

Claire exhales. “He’s not…it’s just not possible. He was damaged long before I ever got to him. It’s notreversible.”

The words are ominous, like the depths of the ocean, holding creatures from the unknown. Meaning is hidden in the darkness, hard to see. Kara shifts a bit and pins Claire with a look, her natural curiosity about Nick pressing her forward. “What happened to him? Something happened, I know it did. A guy isn’t just…like that…I mean…maybe…”

Normal guys don’t get off on the things he gets off to. Then again, normal women don’t get off on it either, so what does that say about Kara?

A tired expression crosses Claire’s pristine face. Her shoulders sag and she once more gives Kara a half-shrug. “I don’t even know. He won’t tell me. Any time I’ve ever pressed the matter, he just getsawful. Which means it’sbad.”

“I can imagine,” Kara says numbly, wondering even more what Nick is hiding. “He is quite awful, most of the time.”

Claire laughs a little, but it sounds off. Sad, even. “Will you think about what I said? I didn’t mean to insult you by telling you to sleep with a man set to be married. You’re not…not a bad sort of girl. He finds…completion in you. Acceptance, maybe?”

How can this woman not see the severity of what she’s asking her to do? All Kara can think of is how her father repeatedly hurt her mother with infidelities…the idea of it disgusts her.

“Claire, no. I told you, I don’t feel right about it. Besides…I was likely using him for my own messed up reasons. I have a shit past…and…” It feels awful, to say it aloud. Like admitting to a failure. “He fit the profile of what I felt I deserved.”

Cruel like my father, distant like him, too.

The other woman goes silent for a minute, looking upset. Thinking through Kara’s refusal again, most likely. “Just. Give it a thought. He and I don’t believe in committing to each other-”

Scowling, Kara says dryly, “Gee, I thought marriage was about committing?”

“We’re in an open relationship. I have other men in my life, if you’re worried that I’m left in the cold alone here.” Claire pins Kara with a stern look. “Just think about it.See him. Ask him out to lunch. You don’t even have to touch him if you don’t want to. You don’t need to sacrifice your morals for that, right? Helikesyou, even if you don’t think he does.”

Persistent, isn’t she?It doesn’t feel right. None of it. The idea of being in some strange, twisted triangle with Claire and Nick makes her feel wrong. Dirty, even. Despite that, there’s a voice inside whispering that it wouldn’t hurt to just see him again…

Standing up sharply, Kara pulls herself together, trying to keep a tight rein on her wild emotions. “I have a lot to think about. That’s not an acceptance though, Claire. I really don’t want to have this conversation again.”

The other woman nods her understanding, looking slightly hopeful.

“And Kara? You should ask Bittinger. About what happened to Nick,” Claire calls after her. “I think he’s the only one whoactually knows.”

Somehow, that sheds an even more ominous light on the situation.

Chapter 12

You should ask Bittinger.

The words still echo in Kara’s mind hours later, like some unsolved puzzle.

Could that be the last key to unlocking the puzzle of Nicholas Havenwood-Calais? Who he is behind the mask, known only by the man who he treats as friend and enemy alike? She never understood the strange dislike Nick held for Dieter, but now it sounds like there might be something to that.

Dieter knows a part of Nick that Nick doesn’t want known.But what is it?

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